Book of Tired

In the beginning, it was dark, and noisy. I hit the alarm and got up. I switched on the TV to the local morning news to find out if Israel has been nuked yet. No. One more day perhaps. The only thing I get out of the local news is the weather and reminders what parts of town to stay away from.

While in the shower I thought of something interesting to blog about and then forgot it while shaving. I need one of those write in the rain notebooks and a space pen for the shower. That or a waterproof voice recorder. I have a water resistent case for my video camera, but I would be afraid those videos would get out and blind the masses.

The morning ritual has become something that I do not even remember. As far as I can tell the only thing that happened out of the ordinary this morning was that I didn't catch Merlin trying to sneak in to Nat's room as I kissed her goodby.

This is a testament to my life. I've found a rut and seem to enjoy it. That is usually when something jumps up and bites you in the ass. Just knowing I'm nine years from fifty is bad enough. My ex-girlfriend's kids are nearly old enough to have kids on at least one case.

The real trouble came at work today. I had time to breath. A couple things I've been working feverishly on lately have completed, or at least come to a stopping point for a minute. It was difficult to motivate myself to start new projects. I've been told unofficially that I'm taking on some different hat at the office. This makes me want to stop doing what I've been doing in the past and start the new thing. I don't know if it is going to work out or if it is going to burn down before I get there. That is the way things go I suppose. This is a stress unto itself. This is a down side to having room to breath.

Oh, I got work done. I researched wireless encryption, looked up bison, Touched up some scripts, updated my notes, helped people find driv4ers for a couple pieces of equipment, retired some old dead equipment, cleaned up the cubby (an impromptu lab) a bit and a bunch of other stuff that is important, but hard to document. This little stuff is important. Some of it gets done between the important stuff. Enough of it piles up that it needs to have some time devoted to it. That was today.

Mostly I'm tired. I've been sleeping well, but I'm worn out. I'm frazzled. What are some other adjectives I can come up with? Tore up from the floor up. Dragging ass. Well, dragging ass implies I'm not doing my job. I've been working hard. I'm weary, worn out, old. Wait a minute. Is that what really has me down? Am I hitting the middle aged crazy? Is that what this is about?

I cannot eat fast food like I used to. Yesterday some very young vlogers, in their twenties, had the fast food challenge where they ate one of everything off the dollar (now dollar fifty) menu at Wendy's. That would kill me. I would die on the twenty third bite. I wouldn't drop, I would just seize up in place, like a statue with a half eaten burger half way to my gaping maw.

Ah, the good old days. I could eat anything. I could sleep like a rock. I could mow the whole yard in the middle of summer without passing out. Well, I haven't past out, but I've felt like it was an option.