Sunset

I have not been to a funeral since my uncle Bobert when I was about five or so. I remember saying I didn't like it and didn't want to go to another one. I nearly went to my grandfather's funeral several years ago. I didn't for a couple of reasons. Tomorrow I will watch over the house while people go to a funeral. Nat has been helping straiten things out and being there for our friends for the past week.

This morning on the way in I heard a country song about a father who knows he is going to die. He tells his son "I hope you have a chance to live like you were dying." The object is to live life to the fullest. The song and idea brought a tear to my eye on the bus.  It made me worry about when I loose someone.

I am cold when others loose someone they love. It hurts me to know this. It may just be that I am incapable of sympathy or empathy. It may be that I really do believe that they are in a better place. Maybe it is my lack of loss so far in my life. Loss is as inevitable as a sunrise. Loss will get round to me.

The fact that I said I don't like funerals and didn't want to go to any more is not a vow to never attend a funeral. I do not want people to think that I will not come to their funeral or the funeral of their family or friends, or that I have anything against funerals.  I've just avoided them so far. As I age and my group of friends and family do the same, I'm afraid funerals are inevitable.

As for this time around, I only met Eric a couple of times. I never had a conversation beyond hello with him. He seemed like a closed off man who preferred to stay in his head. Sounds like we had at least that much in common. He touched many lives. He will be missed.

I've heard there is some conflict amongst the family and friends. This is something that I've heard so many times around funerals.  I suppose this happens any time people come together to get something done. I've heard of people getting lawyers involved at funerals. That hurts me to even think about. The speed bumps I've heard about here are relatively benign. I hope there are no permanent rifts caused by the issues. Hopefully, people can continue to live and communicate after all is said and done.

There will be several people I know there. There will be many people I do not know. I'm working a half day. Nat is going to pick me up and we will roll with the punches. I will not bring the camera. Though, I wish someone had taken pictures at my grandfather's funeral because that is the only time in the last ten or fifteen years all those people got together in one room. My family is not the only one with that experience.

There is so much more to add here. This blog entry should be a mile long. That's life though. It doesn't matter how much there is, there could have been more.