Proverbs

1. On the other hand, you have different fingers. 2. Life isn’t like a box of chocolates. It’s more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow. 3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. 4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 5. Remember, half the people you know are below average. 6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest. 7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. 8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap. 9. Support bacteria. They’re the only culture most people have.. 10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 11. OK, so what’s the speed of dark? 12. When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane. 13. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. 14. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges? 15. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines. 16. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, ‘What the f*ck happened?’ 17. Just remember — if the world didn’t suck, we would all fall off. 18. Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. 19. Why do drive-in ATMs have braille? 20. Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Augean Stables