When someone dies

I really need to learn what to say when someone dies. I need to learn out to console without sounding like an asshole. I only have one pitch in this play "Sorry for your loss." Someone beat me to it. I cannot think on my feet on this subject. I can't stop and give it long thought and get anywhere either.

Wrong things

• So and so is in a better place.
• Hope you feel better soon.
• The person who died (OK if volunteered by the bereaved)
• What happened?
• How did they go?
• Did you say goodbye
• Did they have time to prepare?
• At least they didn't suffer.
• Anything to do with money.
• Did they have insurance?
• Did they have a will?
• Anything to do with relationships.
• Were you close.
• Will you speak at the funeral?
• Anything about litigation.

Maybe

• Let me know if I can help with anything.
• I'm sorry to hear that.

Right things

• Sorry for your loss.

The structure of this encounter is completely one sided. It is one of the few times that the encounter is supposed to be mono directional. All emotion is to flow basically one way. The hurt party is to receive all positive emotion and supportive statements. Any statement that takes from that will be perceived as incorrect or as some kind of attack. Questions are very difficult. Do you touch the bereaved? There are no set rules for some of this. The best thing would be experience. I do not wish experience of this kind on any one.

Suggestions are welcome. Don't hold punches. I need to have these things to say near the top of the response list so they can be recalled without hesitation. Is there someone I can ask about this kind of thing. I need the kind of help that Big Bang Theory characters need on this one.