Zap
There are two new women I find myself interested in. There is no spark. I want to talk to them, but I have this tremendous fear of them becoming friends. They will sit there and bitch about boyfriends or their car and pull that woman shit about not wanting a solution, just wanting to bitch. Christ! I'm getting sick of women using me as a sounding board. It is no wonder why people go to singles bars and hook up for sex. It is no wonder why men go to hookers. It is not the sex. It is the sex without the bitching.
One of the women has a kid and a crappy job. She has family problems that are completely legitimate. She has trouble making ends meet. She wants to go to school. She wants a nice house, in a nice neighborhood. That all makes sense. I'm not going to provide any of that for her. Why must she dump it all on me?
The other woman I have hardly spoken three words too. She is a friend of a friend. She has no idea I have any interest. For some reason I just can't bring myself to strike up a conversation because I can't stand the idea of her becoming another friend. The five or so times I turn to ask her for a phone number or even an email or something, I picture myself sitting there listening to her complain about bad sex. I Haven't had sex in like three years. The only bad sex is no sex.
I missed something along the way. I didn't learn how to flirt. I didn't learn how to play the game. I was taught morals or something. I cannot bring myself to sleep around. I cannot bring myself to pay for sex. I want the love. I want the bad breath in the first kiss in the morning. I want the time listening to each other breath on the phone because we ran out of things to say, but don't want to hang up.
Is that too much?
Women suck. I give up.