Why didn't I think of that.
A 11 year old boy grabbed the keys to his parent's car and just took off. He ran out of gass and ended up locking himself out of the car. When I was a teen, I just sat there the whole time. I never did anything interesting. I never went to Astro World. I never went to parties. I never found a girlfriend. I just sat there. It is why I do the same now. He was bullied at school. I was bullied at school. I did some bullying as well.
I did nothing. I do nothing. I type. It means nothing. This body is a rental. I don't have a copy of the agreement. Sometimes I wonder if our soles are creatures on vacation. Creatures from a perfect world on vacation. Think of a perfect world. How boring would it be. Everyone lives forever. No one ever dies. Everyone knows everything about everyone else. How boring. The perfect vacation, a short stint as an imperfect being, on an imperfect rock. Victimized, scared, lost, we have no way of knowing we have perfect beings inside us.
When I think about dying, and yes, I think about what happens when we die. I try to picture the tunnel of light. I try to go one second past the loss of consciousness. I hit a brick wall of dark. It is a milky gray nothing. I like to think that I am not aloud beyond this point. I can reach as far out as I dare, I cannot see my hands, I cannot feel my body, not even with my hands. Then I come back to the same place I left. I'm a nerd, so I liken it to a firewall that I cannot pass, yet.
Tonight, I am watching some old movies. Fight Club and Blade Runner. I'm also doing laundry. Oh, and fuck all the women in the world who don't want to be here.