God is Not Cruel
So, why do I feel so miserable? It has to be my own doing. The limited free will God has granted me is an illusion. It is just to prove that there is no such thing as free will.  I believe that is what I was here to learn. I'm done now, thank you. Everything that happens from now on is purely God's will. I surrender. I don't know just how to do this, but it should be fun  finding out.
There is no reason for me feeling like this. My life is pretty good. I can't shake it. I don't understand. It is all I can do to tread water. My insurance does not cover psych. I feel like I've been broken, like torture victims or something. Now, I'm just waiting for everything to fall apart.
I whine allot about not having a relationship. The first six or so weeks of a relationship is the only part that is worth having in my experience. Everything after that is a pain in the ass. I hope I'm proven wrong.at some point. Truth, I know, is a relationship is the last thing I need right now. It would be more trouble than it is worth.
I look forward to going to work. It is an ordered environment. I know what to do next most of the time. I sometimes get a sense of accomplishment there. I think that is why I have such a hard time with my evening job. I don't know what I'm doing there. I'm supposed to be the decision maker and to be frank, I'm not very good at it.
Yet, I have no idea how to proceed. I'm lost. Well, that's OK because I'm letting God handle it.  I'm going to put one foot in front of the other and know that I'm walking where I'm supposed to.
(Please don't give any advice. I'm just venting.)

Another Point of View
This is Cynthia's comments on my personal profile I put up a couple of days ago.
<Cynthia Start>
For your dating profile, let's try this instead:
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I am 35, 5'10", 200 lb (last Doctor's visit).
I enjoy computers, the outdoors, and intelligent bantering conversation.  I have had plenty of time to sort through my career and what I want in a relationship; all I need now is somebody special with whom to share my days.  You will find that I am passionate about the things that are important to me and cannot easily be bothered by the things that aren't.
The woman for me is independent but open to letting someone like myself into her heart.  She understands when I lament that Farscape was canceled for political reasons, and even if she doesn't identify with the first thing about my interests she is as willing to learn about them as I am about her.  If you have ever wanted to have someone who would respect you as a person while showing you the love you deserve, I'm the man for you.
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Better?  It's the same stuff, put differently.
<Cynthia End>