Fear of Death

There are few things that keep me up nights. Loss of a job, loss of a relationship, basically loss of things important to me. Also, worry and fear of those things will get me now and again. The one thing that for so log hit me seemingly randomly and made me loose sleep was fear of death.

The feeling would simply wash over me while I was trying to relax in bed, in the dark, in the quiet. I would get restless and stressed. If I got up and did something, it would help.

This is basically an anxiety attack. For me the episode focused on fear of death. Religion, science, never tried drugs or alcohol, nothing worked. I basically had to wait until I was so tired that I fell asleep from exhaustion. I think this contributed to my anger management troubles for so many years. This would usually only happen every couple of months. Then it would happen two or three nights in a row. It was the lack of control that got me.

Years ago I figured out how to handle these episodes. This method has worked for quite some time now. I have no idea if it is a permanent solutions or some temporary band aid. I figured out that I had to embrace my fear. I had to accept it as real. I had to let it seep in to me. I had to forgive it and welcome it back like an old friend. I had to thank God for it. Not just say or think it. I had to stop, relax, breath deep, and really concentrate on the actions. Well, meditate more than concentrate.

Then I go to sleep. I wonder if this is healthy.