Humor

Observations of Steven Wright If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the famous erudite scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen...and replaced by exact duplicates. His mind sees things differently than we do, to our amazement and amusement Here are some more of his gems: 1- I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. 2- Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back. 3- Half the people you know are below average. 4- 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 5- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 6- If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain. 7- All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand. 8- The early bird may get the worm, the second mouse gets the cheese. 9- I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met. 10- OK, so what's the speed of dark? 11- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. 12- When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. 13- Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to avoid work. 14- Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now. 15- I intend to live forever -- so far, so good. 16- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. 17- What happens if you get scared half to death twice? 18- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? 19- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. 20- The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread. 21- The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. 22- Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film. And some of my personal favorites........................ 23- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. 24- The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. 25- My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." Israpundit

I don't normally steel an entire blog entry from another blogger, but this one was so concise and complete I couldn't bring myself to remove any of the entries. Steven Wright Quotes has even more great bits of wisdom.
Here are a couple more from that site linked above.
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
If God dropped acid, would he see people?