Past - Future

I'm never going to be any better than I am right now. I'm never going to make more money or win the lottery or make money with the blog or YouTube or fixing cars. My father has the ability to sell things. I did not inherit this skill.

It has little to do with genetics or education. I'm plenty smart. It is the whole drive thing. I lack the basic get it done strength. This is the most damming thing in my life.

I'm never going to do that amazing thing that makes my life worth while. I'm not talking about supporting a family and raising a kid. I'm talking about flying higher, running faster, killing more game, conquering civilizations, write the novel that changes the world, bring piece to the middle east. God knows what else could have happened.

I may eat my weight in sweet tarts. I just might end up with ten thousand posts on my blog. Not much else comes to mind. I'll hold no records.

I will not stand out for good. I hope I will not stand out for bad. The world/universe/God has no plan for me I feel. Not sure how I feel about thtat. The older I get the less that thought scares me. That scares me.