Joke

The questions below about Australia, are from potential visitors.They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humor. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV,  how do the plants grow? (UK). A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA) A: Depends how much you've been drinking. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden) A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden) A: So it's true what they say about Swedes. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Towns ville and Hervey Bay? (UK) A: What did your last slave die of? Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?(USA) A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked. Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA) A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK) A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA) A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked. Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK) A: You are a British politician, right? Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany) A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.Milk is illegal. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA) A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forge tits name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA) A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you gout walking. Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France) A: No, WE don't stink. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth.Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA) A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather. Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy) A: Yes, gay nightclubs. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France) A: Only at Christmas. Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA) A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA) A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

Anna sent me this. I hope It isn't a repeat. I have no idea where this originated, or how accurate anything may be.

Shrimp
I don't like shrimp. I don't like the taste. I don't like the places they are harvested. I don't like the chemicals in them. I don't get why people go ga-ga over shrimp. The first guy who ate a shrimp had a bad day fishing. I've had good shrimp. I went to Taste of Texas many moons ago and they had bacon wrapped shrimp. The sauce to dip them in was butter based. The batter that covered them was delicious. They were smothered in cheese. I'm only surprised they had room for the shrimp.
I read somewhere that many moons ago, lobster was originally trash-food. They used to make prisoners cook and eat their own lobster because there was no market for it. I don't know how true that is.

Asshole!

A community college professor has been charged with using his students' names and Social Security numbers to obtain department store credit cards. Bradley Neil Slosberg, 49, of Winter Haven, was arrested Friday on charges of criminal use of personal identification and scheming to defraud, the Polk County Sheriff's Office said. Slosberg and his girlfriend, Deborah Hafner, stole the identities of at least three of the students from his anatomy and physiology class at Polk Community College, sheriff's office spokeswoman Carrie Rodgers said. Hafner, 45, filled out the credit card applications and committed the forgeries, Rodgers said. She was charged with two counts of forgery and one count each of criminal use of personal identification and scheming to defraud. The couple could not be reached for comment early Monday. Slosberg had asked his students to write their names and Social Security numbers on a sign-in sheet, students said. "We all signed it," Amanda Bracewell said. "We figured, 'He's a teacher, what is he going to do with it?"' CNN

There should be a law against abusing trust. You get a brand across your forehead. Any one who trusts you again gets the same brand. Wasn't that an Outer Limits?

Education
Something I learned today; The density of mercury is 13,579 kg/m^3. The density of water is 1000 kg/m^3. Thus, mercury is 13.579 times more dense than water. Hence, the reason it is used in gravity switches.
Don't ask.