Machines
I've heard people say they need a new computer because there old one has imploded. They spec out their needs as "Web surfing, email, games ..." Its funny, but the most taxing thing I can do on my computer at work is check my email. It isn't  the local machine, it is the network. My email (Outlook) simply grinds to a halt the second I try to click o an email to bring it up.or copy an email to a folder. Sometimes it takes five minutes just to complete the most simple task. When I find myself toiling on the corporate machine, grinding, trying, I can't help myself. I have to try. I have to achieve. I am a fool, but that is what I am. The email just sits there. The hourglass taunts me. I find myself chanting softly "I'm paid by the hour. I'm paid by the hour."
I am not yet broken by the machine. I may never break. I fear caring the rest of my days. I will never retire. I will work until I drop. I will care every step of the way. Oh, if only I could create. If only I knew the magic words. Today, tomorrow the same things run past my desk and I solve the problems I can. I enable the non-caring to not care. I care. I can't help it.

Today
I'm in a dark mood today. I'm trying to snap out of it. Shake it off. What causes these fowl moods? Is it a chemical imbalance? I'm tired of being a slave to a tomato allergy. It's like there are two people running my day. There is the grump who snaps at people, and there is the guy who wants to help and make people smile.
These two have alto in common. They are both pleased to create. They are both hungry most of the time. The grump is a better programmer. The kinder one, by definition, has better people skills. I need them both to move forward. I spoke a while back about ID-Kelly. I'm not sure where the lines are. I'm not sure there are lines. ID-Kelly can be both nice and mean.
I remember an interview with Bruce Willis. He created a persona that helped him get along. I forget the name he used, but the character on Moonliters had a good deal of that character in him. The character had confidence, party attitude, he was the ultimate extrovert. I base my description of ID-Kelly off that character. My needs are different. I don't care about out-going, but I need confidence. ID-Kelly has what I need sometimes.
I'll get over it. Just thought I would vent. If I don't figure out something, I'm on my way to becoming one of those old guys with a bunch of skeletons around a dinner table in his basement. It's late, I'm going to go soak and listen to some classical music. That usually does nothing for me, but It looks like I'm trying to relax.