What do I want?

I felt depressed over the weekend. My work is genuinely trying to kill me. The bills are piling up. The house is a wreck. Money is a nightmare. We have no plans for vacation or fun. We have no money left over at the end of the month. The list of things that have been getting to me is endless.

My life has boiled down to a list of items that are responsibilities to someone else.

• Bills

• Insurance

• Life

• House

• health

• car

• Energy

• Gas

• Electricity

• Food

• Taxes

• Income Tax

• Property Tax

• Sales Tax

• Family

• School fund raisers

• Every week it is a new pare of shoes with this kid. She is growing like a weed.

• Dentistry

• Medical bills.

• Entertainment

• What entertainment? We don't even have cable.

• A date night every once in a while.

• Internet.

• Home

• Yard

• Cutting grass

• Landscaping

• Weeding

• Picking up other people's trash in my yard.

• Repairs

• The carpet in the living room needs replacement.

• Mold where the walls got wet in the hurricane a couple years ago.

• Maintenance

• Cleaning

• Vacuuming

• Dishes

• Laundry

• Work

• There is another list three times this long just for work.

What does one prey for in this case? I have asked God to tell me what to prey for. Money is never the answer. Some one time thing like saving the world is fleeting. A super power is unlikely to do any good. I thought about it for a long time. I've been at it since I was about twelve. I think I found something that makes sense and I just might get if I prey hard enough.

I want to have my shit together.

I want to be on top of things. Shit happens and when it does, I want to be the guy who had his together. No miracles really. No putting any one else out of joint. I want the knowing, the preparing and the doing all to point to me having my shit together.