Dead ant, dead ant ...

Nothing like old jokes to open a boring blog.

I killed ants this evening. I loaded my weapon with the most deadly chemical weapon available to the average home owner. You can get this elixir of death at Home Depot. It has a picture of a still kicking ant on the cover. It's targeted audience is the sadistic home owner. I'm lazy. The ants do not know that I'm simply letting them invade my yard so they will have big hills for me to jab my ant sticker ( a large stick with a mettle point on the end ) clear to the bottom of their mounds, wallow out a hole and spray poison. Then, I stop the hole shut. This is to make sure the poison does snot escape before soaking in to the dirt.

Then, I go round spraying the fence, windows, doors, cracks in the sidewalk and those gaps in the brick. Those gaps in the lower bricks on the walls have got to be there for drainage. The termites will build mounds up to the side of the wall to one of those gaps and get in. Ants will too. You have to keep a three inch or greater space between those gaps and the dirt and grass. There has got to be a better way. Some kind of one way valve or something that will keep the frigging ants out. I fill those things up with poison. I spray any loose dirt next to the house including the flowerbeds. I soaks'em good.

I am an evil bastard. Well, when it comes to ants anyway. Yup, next week I'll hit them with the gradual stuff that they take in to the mound. That stuff makes them swell up until they bust. Gets the queen too. I spread that stuff over my yard and imagine a queen gasping for air, crawling her way to the top of the mound, trying to save her eggs, only to be snapped up a hungry bird who could give a crap about her polite.

I unloaded three heavy loads of poison. The formula says my yard should take three quarters of a normal load. Screw that. The back yard smells like a train wreck at a chemical plant. That's the way I like it. If I weren't broke, I'd do the field next to my compound just for the hell of it. I enjoy it that much. Not doing the spraying. Knowing that I'm killing the vermin that want to invade my home.

Damn good thing we don't have a dog. Remember, I'm doing all this in the dark while cussing at the ants and laughing maniacally to entertain myself. I wonder what the neighbors think.

I wore my safety glasses. It is cool outside tonight. They fogged up terribly. They are the kind of safety glasses that cover your eyes from the side as well as the front. They fit over most glasses. That just makes them fog up worse. I found myself lifting them up to let some air in. That was not working. Of course, I just had to take them off every five minutes and wipe the moisture out. What is the point of safety glasses you have to remove every five minutes? Of course, no sooner do I walk in than I have to reload the automatic shower cleaner thing. It squirts me straight in the eye. Didn't hurt. Near miss I guess. That or I'm numb from the sensation of chemical burns. Am I supposed to ware safety glasses in the frigging shower?

Good times.