Joke

We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can  top this one: Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how  legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm  lying. On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because  the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I  had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming  in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to  explain the bandage on the to p of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no  problem. Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I  heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.  "Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."  "You know where the button is," I protested through the shower  pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!" "But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me in?" There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you  a second." So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her  behavior as extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and  stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action  I remember performing.  It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating  dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised  around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at  the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I  unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws.  I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly  rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten  hanging from my masculine region. Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome.  Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know  this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the  sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact  knocked me out cold. When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are  not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the  kitchen floor butt naked in front of a group of  "been-there, done-that" paramedics. Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were  all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while  trying to suppress their hysterical laughter.... .and not succeeding. Somehow! I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it  back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out  of me about my head injury I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to  talk about, which it was.  "What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?" If they only knew! Why is it that only the women laugh at this?

Anna sent me this. It just didn't raise much of a smile, more of a wince.

Free Cat

Cat Bed	$20
Cat Food	$10
Cat Box	$20
Cat Litter	$10
Scratching Post	$20
Animal Carrier	$15
Cat Toys	$10
Cat Cave (place to hide)	$30
Food Bowl	$10
Miscellaneous cat stuff	$5
Total	$150

This is not including the $300 pet deposit that, oh, by the way, $200 is not refundable. This is no kitten. There will be vet bills, damage to property, aggravation. I'm not used to having cats around. The apartment is still a wreck from the move. The cat is skittish anyway. He is going to freak for about a month.
Yesterday Nat saw a dog running down Westhimer's sidewalk near Sonic. She looked at this dog like she wanted to save it. I cringed. I'm thinking "I don't want that mongrel any where near Elle." I just don't have that save-the-animals mentality. I don't find that to be a bad thing. I'm not out to get them or anything. I'm offended when that upsets people. I'm me. Accept it.
OK, end rant. I can deal with the cat. We will get along fine, I'm sure.