Reason for no Christmas
Goddammit!!! This day is one of those that just makes you want to beat the next person you run into to death. Everything is taking an ounce out of my ass today. I cannot continue like this.
All I wanted was a digital monitor. I can't do it right. I got a great deal on a monitor from Dell. I sold the monitor for what I paid for it and went and got a monitor that I specifically thought was digital. Well an HD15 connector is a FUCKING VGA connector. The whole fucking world is out to get me. I swear every company just wants to trick me into giving them my name and information so they can sell it to spammers. The electronics industry makes things so confusing that no one can possibly figure it out. You have to higher a consultant to buy a fucking TV any more.
I quit. I give up. I can't take it any more. I'm never giving in to corporate bullshit again. (That is a lie. I know I'll cave.) I don't like being in this time. I've said it before that if I were born long ago, I may not have survived, but I bet it wouldn't have mattered as much that I cannot see like every one else. If I were born in the future there would have been a cure. There is no cure. There is no miracle. There is only suffering. I hate this. I hate being ignorant more than not being able to see fully. If it comes right down to it, not being able to see fully has little to do with modern life. If I had perfect vision, I would still be a misfit. I would still have no prayer of fitting in or reaching any sort of achievement. I just don't have what it takes. The lack of vision is just an excuse. I know this. It doesn't make me feel any better. I tried. I really tried to figure out which monitor to get. I failed, again.
You do not know how close I came to throwing this thing out into the middle of the parking lot just to watch it smash. I cannot believe I stopped myself. I hate this. I'm sick of being me. I don't like me. How am I supposed to get up in the morning every day and have to be some one I don't like?