Dominance
I've been thinking a bit about dominance lately. People seem to confuse sex and dominance. Football, baseball, other competitive sports are really not about sex. They are about dominance.
I watched a show on the news about bullying in schools. I was both a bully and the victim of bullying when I was a kid. It is all about who is alpha-kid. Dogs bully. Monkeys bully. It is part of our mammalian brain. We tell people to be winners and then tell them not to be bullies. We tell people they are empowered and then set the rules. We tell people to get an education and then send their job to another country. We tell people to eat healthy and then inundate them with ads for fattening food. We tell people not to smoke and subsidize tobacco farmers.
The U.S.A. is doomed to very nasty implosion. I worry I will live to experience it. This country was formed because people were trying to escape dominance by a few over the many. They used dominance to take the country. Now, those who are dominant are trying to make a nation of passive addicts.

OK, sorry. I'll step off the soap box. I'm ordering a very fattening pizza and some caffeinated Dr. Pepper. mm mm mmm. No one is dominating me.

Bubba Hotep
This movie is great. Watch the trailer and go see the movie.

The truth about game points
I've explained what game points are. Lets review. Game Points are a reward for helping the DM (Dungeon Master) make the game better. They can be used to improve a dice role, and even modify a minor plot point. Our DM gives quizzes based on reading or if he is to lazy to assign reading he just tells us to make up our own questions. Game Points are also allotted for those who perform tasks like order food or other annoying tasks that would other wise eat up the DM's time.
I have had trouble accepting Game Points because they are outside the game. To me the idea of game points is no better than someone saying “give me money or I'll kill your character.” It is just bad.
I used Game Points for a long time right up until Adam (our DM) bitched at me once for not using a game point to save a character that sucked. They are my game points. Get off my back. I figured I had two choices. I could just dump Game Points outright, or just waist them on frivolous stuff and make sure I didn't have any when push came to shove. Adam dangles this carrot in front of people to control them. If I take the value away from the commodity and blow it off, it blows the control. It has become a competition. Sarah (one of the players) is the most obvious one who made it into a competition.
I'm not playing DND any more. It isn't the game. It is the people. I like them as friends. I just can't play DND with them any more. (it is really me. I'm just no good at competition. I don't like beating people and I can't stand loosing.)

Thanksgiving
Today is Thanksgiving. I went over to the parents house and ate great food until I was about to bust. It was just me and my parents. I think the abandon a trip to some relatives in Oklahoma to have dinner with me. I feel greatly out of place going to my parent's house for holidays. I'm thirty four years old. I have no girlfriend. I have no wife or family to take. I don't have any other family (the in-laws) to share holidays with. There is just nothing there. There isn't even a prospective lady to fill the gap. I wish I could run though names and say “she is not a prospect because of this reason.” and so forth. That just isn't possible. I'm an old maid.
Today was hot and humid. For some reason, it felt like Christmas.

Mouse
I bought a new mouse. It is a tinny thing meant for notebook computing. It is optical, wireless and uses one of those little USB plugs to connect. The LED light on the USB “dongle” is about as bright as any xenon headlight I've ever seen. It blinks obnoxiously whenever you move the mouse or click a button. It is just plane annoying. The mouse is great. I've played games with it and used it for several days. One of the guys at the office got one a couple of weeks ago. I got the non-rechargeable version. It was $20 cheaper.

Failed Marriage
Jenna, my ex-wife, told me she was pregnant. I wanted so much to be married. It was days like today that drove me to it. I think she really was at some point. She went to the doctor. and the whole bit. It turned out that we did not have a child. Jenna did lie to me about being on the pill. I knew what was going on and prevented pregnancy manually. We were married for about eighteen months. I was a right bastard to her. I didn't have the guts to call her on the situation. When she would not pay her taxes, I snapped. That was worse than lying about pregnancy or birth control. A child only takes eighteen years to mature and some of the stuff that happens along the way is cool. The IRS is just plane evil and once they know your name, you are in their sights. We have not spoken in something like six years. Jenna married my mechanic. I sure miss him.

<This point on is from a couple of days ago>
Mozilla
My Mozilla browser lost its mind last night. I rebooted the machine and poof. There is only one profile. I can't imagine November 25 is any kind of magic virus date. All settings reverted to day one install. I lost all my bookmarks (favorites/shortcuts). The history was there.
really should do a backup of my important information. You know the culda-woulda-shoulda syndrome.

Weather
This morning it was chilly. I walked in just before dawn. I could see my breath. It felt brilliant. This noon we ate outside without jackets. The sun is shining. The ground is dry. It feels like mountain air. What a marvelous day to be in Houston.

Little things
I forget often that the little things will ware on you. At work, I use a table with a mettle back on a daily basis. I type like a jackhammer and the mettle back wiggled on the enter key and others. wa-wa-wa-g-g-g. Every other key it would make a sheet mettle clanging sound. I didn't realize how much this wore on my nerves. I didn't realize, until I just now tightened the screws and it fell silent (until you kick it outright). It is like that sheet mettle back was banging right on the back of my head. I didn't even realize it.

DND
We are playing today.
Sarah wants a Pegasus as her steed. Brian asked if he could have a Pegasus-Bane sword.
We have a new guy (old player new character). Bryan (different Br?an) was eaten by the avatar of some evil god. He came back with a new character that is some kind of monk slash rogue type.
We are helping a king build a Zeppelin so he can fulfill his dream of bombing his next door neighbor from above. We are trying to design a massive bomb dangling from the bottom wrapped in other bombs that will level this guys castle the King doesn't like. There is something about the Kings men that makes us suspicious.
One of our guys has the pants of Slad summoning. He called up a huge Blue Slad to go down into the dungeon with us. Oh, some one just rolled a 100 on a random monster check. That could be bad.
We are fighting some kind of thing that turns you to stone. They are the monster that the 100 role brought on. So far, we only have one party member turned to stone. There hit points aren't that great, but they hit every time. You have to make six fortitude saves or turn to stone, or loose a point of strength. I miss fighting just normal hordes of kabolds and ogres.
I passed my six fort saves. Geeze. I killed one. Not even one that I was fighting. It just got to close to my fury. I missed another one, crap.
I've noticed I take for ever to do simple math. My brain just doesn't switch to math mode quickly.
Now we are fighting some Drow-Spider guy. Humm-Drumm
I want to go home. I hate this. I should stop playing. Adam insists on making stupid potty humor during the game. It is a trait of his that I have never been able to stand. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be here.
I can't read the screen on the notebook worth a crap. I can't find some one to love me. Why am I wasting air? Every one else pares off. I feel like I'm the only one who can't find anyone. Goddamnit. I'm surrounded by friends and I feel alone.
It was my turn, I got to stand up and draw a weapon. Woopee. I want to go home.
I'm wasting my time. I'm wasting the time God gave me. I need to find some other thing to do. I'm falling.
Blue, our Slad, is running up to the front to attack the army of Drow coming up the hall to slaughter us. I hope I die quick so I can just go home. I'm heading in to commit suicide. I might as well call the cab now. What kind of character should I role up next? This front line crap is getting old. I might have to go back to a cleric. Just to stay out of the front line.
Can we just die for God's sake? I want to go home. I should just go. I'm dying. I'm tired. Food is soon. God loves me, but some time it is tough love. I will be gone in a minute. I can eat and go home.
It is a quarter after eight and I'm ready to bail. Damn it I survived. I can't keep doing this to myself.
I wanted to go home. This is unfair to the others. I'm worried that I won't be able to keep my mouth shut and I'll snap at some one.
I can't win. We came up against a bunch of Mind flayers. and I'm in the back. BAH. I have to run from the rear all the way to the front. I'm getting nowhere. Grapple rules take too long. FUUUUUCK!!! I got stunned. That means I cant run into battle and go out a hero.
We have dynamite. That is just wrong. There is a section in the Dungeon Master's guide covering dynamite.
For God's sake! One of our guys (the one that just died played by Brian (the guy who always turns against the party)) just showed up after we left him for dead. He is attacking the party. Go figure. I didn't take any damage that time either.
I healed myself. Damn it. I am definitely going out this battle. There is no way we can go out.
We are having a battle on the on the Zeppelin. The giant spider guys are sawing through the ropes holding the cabin on the balloon part. I've tried to use my rod of lordly might to push a couple of the spiders off the balloon. It isn't successful as I had hoped.
...
It is 4:30 in the morning. I'm sitting at home. When I run back through the days events, I realize I just don't enjoy DND like I used too. The trouble is, I try to think of one thing that I say “I need to do this to relax soon.” and absolutely nothing comes to mind. I have no release. I can't keep acting like a jerk at DND. It isn't fair to the others. I need to stop going. Nothing is going to change before our next session in January.
Well, I do look forward to writing my blog.

Radar Glasses
I was reading about some radar imaging that worked in a jet. It made real time three dimensional pictures to the pilot. They suggested it would work on vehicles. I think they might work on a smaller scale. It would be nice to have glasses that would use radar in total darkness.

“It's Floodin' down in Texas”
Houston was built on a swamp. Many moons ago, a good chunk of Ft. Bend county was rice fields. Now we pay the price for cheap land. I'm told the flood problem is what keeps property values low in Houston. If it didn't flood so much here, we would have California prices.
That lazy asshole Sam Houston said “Hey, there is a big ditch surrounded by miles of swamp and grass lands with ten tons of mosquitoes to the acre. Perfect.”
BTW, I was trying to look up the spelling of “acre” and stumbled across this site. Nice find.

Outsourcing everything
I just read a little bit in Information Week that a major bank is outsourcing a bunch of it's technology stuff offshore. It isn't just manufacturing any more. IT is leaving. The reason IT is so easy to push over the pond is because no one understands it anyway. IT salaries are dropping next year. The US will soon be a nation of middle-managers and Mexican fast food cashiers.
Americans pay the highest price for prescription drugs and yet the research that the drug companies tout for the high prices is headed offshore. China is known for manufacturing just about everything. Now, China is a-wash with PHDs who will work for a tenth of the American equivalent. Same with India.

Too Mobile
At work I've noticed a couple of times people making mobile phone calls from the toilet. If any of you ever call me from the can, you better need some kind of rescuing.

Fey
From hence the pixies tell tails of that which they dream upon. The hold on the tattered thread fades with time, but the butterflies know still the path to scry. Fey lie yet among the quiet meadow. Were we rude to the mighty soles bound by such faint mortal coils? Alas, we are left, alone, in a world no longer known to dragons.

Five year plan (me being paranoid again)
I was asked recently where I want to be in five years. The last time I answered that question I was in collage. I didn't answer it right then either. I don't know where I want to be in five minutes. People who seem to know what is going on want me to constantly make plans five years in the future. It just doesn't make any sense to me. If I make plans, fate will make sure to fuck them up. Planning doesn't work for me. I need to make plans, I know. Making plans pleases others. I take no satisfaction in the plans. I know they mean little. Other's always want to make plans for me. I need to get over it. I want to be part of Tpro's plan.
Where do I want to be in five years?
I want to be free.
I want enough money to make money be a non-factor in my decisions.
I want enough future that my kids will be able to purchase a wing at their university of choice.
Where do I not want to be? Where I am now. If I'm still at the same company I'll be very disappointed. I want to be far beyond where I am now. I need to advance. I cannot allow myself to stagnate.
And, then, there is education. Every time I think I am ahead of my anger, it sneaks back up on me. I wanted to put off school until I get a handle on it. I think now that it is part of me. A part that I must accept and learn to predict and manipulate.

Terminator
I want a Terminator. I'm not sure which model I should get. I'm sure my credit will cover it. The second movie introduced a new model made of this malleable mettle that can take the shape of others (or me). I could send the Terminator to work to take meetings and give me the synopsis. This might come in handy. The third Terminator had this same ability, but lacked the true fall-through-a-grating functionality. The third Terminator was big on weapons and blowing shit up, but my current life just doesn't need that. The first Terminator has it's points too. It is like an old pickup truck that won't die.

Terminator 1 scenario.
“Fly me to work.” I'd say.
“We need a helicopter.” the Terminator says.
“Find me a helicopter.” I demand.
“By your command.” answers the Terminator. Hey, isn't that a Silon's line I think to myself. Ah, well.
“Go get me lunch.” I'd say.
“Yes sir.” says the Terminator, and off he'd buzz in my brand new helicopter.
Later I'd ask him to take a meeting along side me and just sit there looking tough so no one would assign me any tasks. You never know when I'll have the Terminator drop off the report. =]

Terminator 2 scenario.
I'd say “Look like me and sound like me and go to work and do what they tell you and bring me the money.”
“Yes sir” the Terminator says with a smile. Oh, did I mention when the Terminator is home I'd have it look like J. Lo.

Terminator 3 scenario.
“Blow that up.” - KABOOOOM!! - “t-hehehehe!” (me giggling)
“Blow that up.” - KABOOOOM!! - “t-hehehehe!” (me giggling again)
You get the idea.

Florida Adventure 1
Job moving
We were living in a hotel just off the beach. It had a mall in the bottom floor. There were these two guys who had a store in the mall who sponsored a “Party on the Plaza” type gig on the back tarries of the hotel every week.
I was walking across the plaza and a guy (not one of the two in question) asks “want to make some money?”
Well, I shoot him a look to kill and he comes back
“Helping some guys move?” he corrects quickly.
“Sure” I say. “How much?”
Well it was $35 bucks to help carry some furniture and some boxes to a truck. It was just a couple of hours work. It was a piece of cake. The guys were nice. They had one guy I noticed hanging around the hotel before. He gave me the creeps.
They all wanted to go drink some beers and buy my dinner. I declined saying “I have to go cook dinner for my friends.”
They paid me and said “I'm disappointed.”
A fact that I found out later made me very happy that I declined. Sabina told me after the fact that she was sorry to see those two guys go. She added “Those guys were really nice for a couple of fags.”
The creepy guy passed by me in the hall after that and smiled saying “missed you at the party, you should have come.”
I hate Hollywood Florida.

Florida Adventure 2
Guy on the bicycle
I was sitting outside the apartment in the late summer. We were making dinner. A guy road by on a bicycle and offered me a job painting his driveway. They do that sort of thing in Florida. I agreed. The guy struck me as kind of queer, as in homosexual. I ended up helping him clean up behind his property and painting his driveway. By the end of it (a day and a half of labor) I was so disgusted that I wouldn't take his money for chores.
it was this little adventure that made me want to get out. I think my friend and Brian breaking ties was just the last straw.
i hate Hollywood Florida.

Florida Adventure 3
Cars under the bridge
Brian had heard through this guy named, ironically, Kelly that there was an impromptu meeting of a bunch of teenagers under a bridge somewhere to drink and carouse. We met some other fast car enthusiasts. The whole night was fun. We spent this night somewhere in north Miami.

Florida Adventure 4
Sabine
Sabine is a German woman who worked in the mall on the first floor of the hotel we staid in. She worked at a shop. The funny thing is, I don't remember what they sold. Tourist junk I think. We made friends and hung out a bit. She had a German accent and was a bit mysterious.
We hung out at her place a couple of times before I left Florida. It was fun. I never did sleep with her. While I was sitting in the bus station waiting for the bus to take me home Sabina walked by and came in to say goodbye. Why didn't I kiss her?
I called her after I got back home and Brian answered the phone. It turns out he left my friend and hooked up with Sabine. I spoke with her later and she felt bad about the whole thing. Brian was good at using women. Brian came back to Texas before my friend did.
I think I would like Germany

Florida Adventure 5
Yahoo Beer
We met these guys who were locals. I don't remember any of their names except one. Kelly. he was laid back and long haired. Some of his buddies came over and we went down to the lobby of the hotel to walk them in. We were walking through the lobby with about three cases of beer and a cop turned around and gave us a quadruple take. not one of us even reacted in the tiniest bit. We just kept walking right past the guard and up to our room. We found out later one of the guys had just “yahooed” the beer AKA ripped it off from a quickie shop. He had grabbed two cases near the door and shuffled them under his arms. When he grabbed the second two on of them broke and a bunch of beers spilled all over the floor. The clerk screamed at him. He just stood there for a second and flipped off the clerk. Then took the three cases and walked out the door. It might have been his buddy who actually jacked the beer.
I drank some stolen beer in Hollywood Florida.

Today
I've never told another human any of this. So, what is the deal? I can tell the world, but no one close to me.

Florida
In the summer of 1993 I was lost. I haven't found myself yet. I've been married and I've fallen in love, though not with the same woman. I was going to school in Missouri City Texas at Houston Community College. I was taking core classes and making “B”s. I walked to school and home again. I spent time talking with the smokers outside the main door to the building where classes were held. They have since moved the smoking area somewhere farther away from the walk way.
In that summer I hung out with an old friend of mine. I had known her for years. She started dating a guy named Brian. He was in to old cars, and using women. I suppose that is judgmental, but I feel it is the truth. They had meat when they were much younger and chased each other around the yard. I remember my friend smiled when she told that story. I don't know what she saw in Brian. He just seemed like a train wreck to me. I hung out with them because there was just nothing else going on in my life and I so wanted to hook up with my friend. I still have feelings for her. I suppose I always will.
I helped Brian on the 1973 Transam that he was rebuilding. The vehicle I remember most is the 1971 Chevrolet pickup that he let me drive in an unfinished subdivision one Tuesday afternoon. I remember putting in the transmission to the Transam. It was a turbo 400 three speed. That is where I learned that there are several different kinds of torque converters. There are lockup torque converters that stop slipping at a given RPM. There are “tight” torque converters that don't slip as easily for sports cars. There are “loose” torque converters for other cars and there are stall torque converters that are in neutral until a given RPM. There are combinations of each.
One evening I ride my bike over to Brian's place and find out that he and my friend are headed to Florida. They site the same reason's I want to hear. “We need to get away from our parents.” I felt the same way. I remember telling my parents. My father understood and was supportive. My mom, being my mom, freaked, but relented.
We drove the T-Bird to Florida, the whole way out running a huge rain storm. It turned out to be the bands of a Hurricane that was hitting the place we were headed. We missed it.
We drive in to Hollywood Florida late and slept in the car. We had been sleeping in the car for a couple of days anyway so it wasn't a big deal. Brian drove around until we found a place to crash. The first night we spent in a small hotel off the beach. For a Month we stayed at a hotel on the beach. We rented an apartment, but only stayed there for a couple of weeks. Brian wanted to ditch my friend. He asked me to take care of her. I decided to come back home to try to make him stay with her. He didn't. She ended up staying with some looser for a couple of weeks and then came home herself. What could I have done different? Not gone in the first place I suppose.
All in all, I count it as a learning experience. I learned I don't like being broke. I learned to stay away from Hollywood Florida. I learned one cruel part of the world that stays inside me now.
Before we left for Florida, I was in limbo. I didn't have a job. I lived on Social Security Supplemental Income. I was going to school, but that was just to do something. It seemed like what I was supposed to do. I meat many good people there including for some strange reason several topless dancers. Apparently dancers go to HCC in pretty high numbers. I meat a Play Boy bunny at University of Houston. We were both filling out change of address forms.
The whole ride to Florida in the Transam Brian and my friend were in the car, but I felt a presents. The feeling was the strongest just as I woke up. I know now it was the angle taking care of me. Nothing bad actually happened to me while I was in Florida. I brushed close enough to the edge to learn the lesson.
When I got back, I slipped quickly back into the routine of oblivion. Eventually my friend came back. I never did get with her. She was vulnerable and I felt crappy just wanting her.
I'm not sure how to close this entry. The truth is my life just kept going. Now I'm here. Tell me about your adventures in life.

Spam and Spyware and the Gun lobby
There is a story here about a Nigerian man who has been busted for sending unsolicited emails and scamming people for butt-loads of money. I'm not sure what the details are, but it sounds like he might actually get some time for his crimes. It would be nice if there were some justice in this area for once.
I deal with spam in a couple of different ways. I only give my primary email to people, never to places, stores or banks. That is how your email ends up on every one's list. I use a temporary hotmail address zhsp00001 at hotmail dot com. That email will change in a couple of months. As soon as I start getting spam on a daily basis. When I need to register on some one-off site I'll go to an online email place and register for an email address just for the one transaction. I usually use hotmail just because they rotate their mails about every sixty days. I know I'm not eating up large quantities of drive space.
Never respond to spam. Logging a complaint or taking your mail off the list just confirms there is a human on the other end. The spammers get more money for your address if you have gone through the trouble of opting-out. Trying to rely on spam blockers doesn't seem to make a bit of difference to in my experience. The spammers spend their entire day figuring out ways to bypass spam blockers. That is what they do, that is all they do.
Governments are trying to make things illegal. That is great, except the worse kind of spam is that from people who wish to rip you off. In most places, ripping people off is already illegal. It is a bit like the gun lobby always says. “enforce the laws that are already on the books.” Remember Columbine High? Some one figured out those kids had directly broken nineteen federal laws. “Do you think the twentieth would have stopped them?” some one at the NRA asked. I've left the subject in the dust.
There is a product called SpyBot. Get it. Use it. It helps with Spyware, not spam, but it is worth getting while I'm on the subject.

Want - Get
Did you ever want something or to say something to the right person or to tell some one something and you knew who to talk too about it but all kinds of politics got in the way and you just can't talk about it because you will make one person angry and probably make another person scared or frustrated and people just make it worse because they tell you to go for it and you know you can't because of the people involved and the friendships that might be stretched?
I do.

Pipe fittings vs. Folder Rights
I do a technical job on computers at my day job. We have allot of amazing brilliant people there who can't figure out folder privileges to save their sole. I understand when some one who makes five times what I do can't give me privileges on a file share because they have had no (as in zero) training by the company to do so. It pisses me off when they (the one making five times what I do) refuse to call the service desk and ask for help. That company pays $200 a month per user for that service desk whether or not they use it. I do not have the rights to give myself rights. I feel like they think it is my fault. I feel like they expect me to do it. Frustrating.

Clarity
I came home this evening and and basically went straight to sleep. I hate it when I do this. I'm up half the night and I don't get all the stuff done that I need.
I'm trying the Claritin stuff again. Maybe if I give it a week or two I'll notice a better difference.
I dropped off a CD with a friend of mine this afternoon and looked at her wedding pictures. Her Little one is just about to start walking on her own.

Halloween
I went to a Halloween Party Friday evening. It turned out to be allot of fun. I took a bunch of pictures. I'm actually in one of them this time. I like costume parties. I drank too much. I was told I looked sexy. I kissed a pretty girl. Did I say I drank too much? I didn't really dress up. I called myself paparazzi. I thought that would be best since they had a standby costume that just wasn't me. They had a sock and a guitar for you to ware and called it a Flea (basest from the Red Hot Chilly Peppers) costume. You have got to see the pictures. Cruella Devil was there. The Grand Wizard made an appearance. ManDrew - The Thrifty Super Hero showed up (he was warring a towel with a big M on it drawn in duct tape). Little Red Riding Hood and her date, Mr. Big Bad himself made it. We had some Martigraw women there. One of the guys wore a suit from the seventies that was in his closet since the seventies. Adam and Laury came as a Samurai and a Geisha. I thought Adam should have been the Geisha.
It seemed like every one I've met from TMS was there. Many people brought their kids. I remember showing up to drunken parties as a kid with my parents. Those are fun memories.
The hangover kept me down all day Saturday. My father wanted to go out on the boat today. I knew last week that I wouldn't be up to it.
I would like to thank Josh for dragging me out and making me have a good time on past occasions. Neither he nor any of the Tpro group were at this party. It is the experiences with them that have helped me have a good time in social situations. Thanks guys.

The first throughs of Winter
The last couple of days have been cool and clear. The weekend was rainy and cold. It felt great. it is to warm up the rest of the week. I should live somewhere cooler, and dryer, with hills, and more trees.

Some updates
I have a Halloween party soon. I need to get the pictures that are on my camera off so I can have it free for the party. I'll put some links up when they are ready.
I read a short article about abundance today. Some problems are due purely to over abundance. Traffic congestion, obesity, even communication trouble could be attributed to the fact that we have more than we need. It creeps me out.
The next version of Microsoft Windows “Longhorn” has a developer's kit ready for use. These things are always full of bugs. They are good for getting an idea of the changes, but the number of addenda will be massive I bet.

Money
I'll tell you one thing, I hate worrying about money. I may not be the nicest guy day to day, but I'm a bad man when it comes to making the bills. Ever since I went to Florida with some friends and felt those empty pockets I've been desperate to keep money in my wallet. Not just cash, the whole survival thing kicks in. Get between me and rent, and the fight or flight response activates. I'm fine now. There have been times when I've worried Tpro will sap my resources. So far the only challenge has been time and effort. Time will tell.

Korean phones
I was watching a Korean cop movie yesterday and I noticed some really cool mobile phones. One of the cops had a phone that looked just like mine. He popped off a styles from the back and slid open the keypad to reveal a pad to write on. He entered Korean letters and sent off a text message. The movie was lame, but the phones were neat.
I watched an Australian movie later that had the same type phones I've seen in the US. In Europe people keep getting in trouble for using their mobile phones to send live sports events to their friends. There was also a case where some people in a night club filmed a rape. It is a mixed bag.

Things I learned today
When I was a kid I did not do well in school. I was in the special education classes. I had some main stream classes, but I don't think it worked out. I missed learning how to handle stress and to communicate somewhere along the way. I read dreadfully slow to this day. Growing up, I thought I would not amount to much. My goal in life was to be independent and live on my own with little help. I've achieved that. Now it is time to retire from that life and move to the next. I'm not sure what that means. I'll keep you informed.
When I was in collage I still had this pride in my life. I insisted on attempting things myself, without help. The next time I attempt collage, I will hire someone if needed to read things to me.
People seem to trust me for some reason. I have terrible communication skills on a personal level. I think because I fake it with people at work I make them think I'm a helpful guy. it is all an act. I think that is why it stresses me out so much. I have had a close friend of mine tell me I should never work where I have to deal with customers again. Come to think of it, I've never had good luck with the general public.

Wireless Networking Continued
I bought some 25 foot Ethernet cables.

Ouch
I came closer to quitting today than I ever have before. I took my badge off and was stomping out of my office to toss it on the desk of one of my supervisors and I had to stop and take a breath. If Tpro was doing better, this would have been my last day.
What happened? A priority one ticket on Friday an hour before I was supposed to walk out the door. This is in a week with several priority one tickets. It will still be broken Monday. This is so bad. I just can't handle stress. Some dope has set up an automatic deletion of files with the extension of "tmp". The trouble is, that extension means "template" on our of our applications. Thanks asshole! The file shares are read only. I have no access. I did not cause this problem. I feel like I'm the one being punished for it.
The only reward for hard work is more work. Scrudge McDuck said it best. "Don't work harder. Work smarter." OK, some one else probably said it first.
I left at 11:30 and had two margaritas. I slept the afternoon away. I have a neck each from the stress and a hangover from the drinks. I have a meeting Sunday with the Tpro guys and it is all I can think about. Why don't they teach stress management in school? I've been acting very unprofessional lately. I can't get it together.

Grandmother
Sarah came down from Kansas. She is almost eighty.
We went to Black Eyed Pea Sunday. It is strange when I notice the differences between our generations. She says things like “colored fella” and “we didn't do those things when I was that age”. I wouldn't dare correct her. Who is to say what is right at that age. She was a nurse her whole life. She married my grandfather about thirteen years ago. They were married for ten years. My blood grandparents were married for forty-five years. It ended in divorce. They were miserable for most of that time from what I've heard. I didn't come along until things were decades along. I only remember as a kid my grandfather sorting records (the vinyl kind) in a filing cabinet. As he pulled them from their sleeves, one by one, they broke. Apparently they had gone through too many winters in the back room. His frustration built as all of our family do. About the seventh one, I asked “can I break one?” I must have been five or six. He didn't kill me, but ... he wanted to.

All of a sudden . . .
Today at work, I was piled upon again. This time, though it just didn't matter. It will get done or, it won't. I will do my best and find along with the rest of the world if that is good enough. I didn't;t get upset. I didn't freak out. What happened? What is different? Sometimes I can take it and some times I can't I have been focusing on my day job over Tpro for a couple of weeks. I think it helps a great deal. That tells me I will have a hard time balancing family and work. Maybe that is the trouble I've had in the past.

Battlefield 1942
I bought a new game called Battlefield 1942. It is a WWII simulator that allows you to play Axis or Allies. Drive submarines. Fly planes. Drive tanks. The Jeeps rock, though I would love to through a box of grenades in the back when I let out across the desert. The single player mode of this game lacks a bit, but the main objective is to play with other people. That is where this game comes into its own. I haven't played online yet. I'm still trying to hit something with a bazooka. (Where did the word "bazooka" come from anyway?)
There are all kinds of scenarios. There are island assaults, city street to street fighting, open desert, blaw blaw blaw. You can play a grunt, sniper, or a medic. It is the vehicles that make this game different from say Team Fortress. So far I've had a blast. I have the symptoms of a good video game. Eating late, pain in back, neck and hands, and thinking about the game the rest of the day. I can't wait to get back to it this evening.

Woody's place
I have a buddy named Woody. (I still giggle when I ask "Hey Woody, what's up?") He, with his family, live in the beautiful neighborhood with a golf course running through it and beautiful homes all over the place. A feature of note for the neighborhood are the two gates you have to pass through to get to Woody's house. The homes in this section of the area start around a quarter of a million bucks. There is another section of the neighborhood where the homes are worth over a million. There is another gate to get in that section. I couldn't not live in a home where I had to pass through three gates. The running joke is the people in the million dollar homes don't want that quarter of a million dollar riff-raff in their neighborhood.

ShareReactor
ShareReactor is a web page that has links for Overnet. Overnet is one of the P2P file sharing software packages I've used. It is mainly geared to movies. Anyway, ShareReactor is not a true commercial web page. They sell advertising to make some money, but they don't do so well. I've noticed their page goes down quite a bit. They had pop up adds that drive every one nuts. I remember a note going across the front page that red “If you don't stop complaining about the pop up adds in the forum, I'll BAN you for ever!” Now, they have in-content ads. That means, the server strips the ads in as the page is built before it is sent to the browser. This way no pop up killer or ad replacing software can catch it. I don't care. I've become so jaded I don't even notice the ads anymore. I read right past them without their even registering.

Undead
I'm watching an Australian show called Undead. It doesn't bather with all that “plot” stuff. It is just a simple - aliens invade and turn people into zombies - flick. A fisherman gets attacked by zombie fish in his boat. He has to shoot the fish after they repeatedly jump at his face trying to get him. This movie is possibly the best piece of entertainment ever made.
Why do they keep shooting zombies that just get up again? Shoot them in the head!!! Don't you watch the movies?

Work
I was sitting at work today trying so hard to make something work. It didn't. I tried again and still it laughed at me. Some one else came along with something for me to do. I tried to make it work and it did not. I tried at both until it was time to go home. I stead. I tried at one and only narrowed the problem down. It still does not work. Neither works. The deadline was months ago. These things are making people miss deadlines. I had only moments to think of things that are more important than my labor at the company. I thought about What Saint Peter might ask me when I stand before the gates to be judged. Then I thought of the account some people give of the bright light and many people guiding you to the light just after death. Then I thought about the motivation of the light. Then I thought about those light-up fish at the bottom of the ocean that attract pray with a fake worm and a glow to their doom. Then I thought about the people guiding you to the light and wandered if they just want the light to eat you instead of them. I think about filing out of a portal from the mortal world with many others all being herded to the light by so very helpful beings. Then I think “Jesus I need a girlfriend!”

More Work
I stayed 13 hours today to not much avail. We are in a crunch time. The dam is leaking and I'm plugging holes as fast as I can. Tpro will suffer. I spoke with a close friend I have known for many years. He told me I am an “all or nothing” kind of guy. He is right. I complained recently of not being able to focus. I think the trouble is I focus too hard on one thing. Tpro needs my help more as an investor right now. I will give Tpro my all soon enough.

Jen's Concert
What a concert. Jen stole the show. I bought a CD from one of the other bands. There were ten artists in all. It was a blast. The guys wanted to party on, but I, being the lightweight, had to call it a night early.
We went to a place called the Mucky Duck. It is a nice venue. The place was packed. It was a hot crowd.

Saturday
I have some friends who went to the Renaissance Festival today. It is quite simply beautiful outside. I hope they have the time of their lives. I was invited, but I had some work to do. My role at Tpro is changing.

Network
I have had to change my IP schema on my network . It turns out when you do VPN (Virtual Private Network) you start having network conflicts. I readjusted the web server (the pictures should be up), change the IP on everything. The tough part is SMB (Samba). It has some kind of IP link hidden somewhere. I've ordered some sandwiches. I'll tackle it after I eat something.
. . .
Wow, that was easy. “hosts allow” still had the old IP range in it. She is up and running.

Cars
I heard somewhere that 15% of the American economy runs on or near the automobile. I wish I could track it down online. Europe has a marvelous transit system. It all depends on how much countries invest. Some cities in the US have a good public transit system. Those are not countries. How much do you spend on your car, or cars? I'll bet it is a fair piece of your income. Some of you might pay more for your vehicle than in taxes. Remember to include your insurance, maintenance, tires, tickets, gasoline and Armor-All. Think of the transit system we would have in America if even a sizable slice of that was spent on rail.
I'm bias. I can't drive. I'm sticking to my guns. What we have now sucks. OPEC has us by the short hairs. There are cars that get 50 miles to the gallon. No one wants them. Every one wants a gigantic SUV. I heard a study on the radio that says automobiles have become the faction accessory to replace shoes. People own different cars for different occasions. It makes me ill.

View from Scott's office
We have a nature preserver behind our building. It isn't really a nature preserver, but it is thick with trees. Scott's office looks out from the first floor under the company. In the morning if you turn off the lights it looks like a cave looking over a lake scene. Between that and the candy he keeps on his desk, it almost makes it worth talking to Scott. :-) (kidding Scott)

Days
It is just going to be a challenge every day. I'm not missing anything. I have to remember that. When I'm upset, that is a normal feeling. It is valid. Things piss me off. I should act pissed off. Things are going to make me confused. That is motivation to learn.

New Mobile plan
600 minutes and unlimited nights an weekends with T-mobile
365 days in a year
104 weekend days (52 x 2)
365 - 104 = 261 full week days
261 / 12 = 21.75 weekdays per month
600 / 21.75 = 27.5 minutes per weekday
600 minutes per month sounds like more than that.

First Order of Business
We have a guy up here who comes in every morning and if, as is often the case, he has left his coffee cup somewhere, he hunts it down. The last few weeks he has participated in software testing and had to track someone down who has the key to the lab to get his coffee cup.