It is the first thing on a Monday morning. I'm in to work at 6:00 AM. I'm dragging ass like some one with job security. I can't get my mind to work. The coffee does nothing. Hopefully this little bit of typing will wake me up.
I actually answered some one's question already this morning. Some one asked me about a software package I am no longer responsible for and I directed them to the proper person. I feel like a hero, and I've only been here 45 minutes.

Sunday Afternoon
I'm listening to blues/jazz on the net. I'm drinking Johny Walker black.
I'm feeling OK.
The sky won't rain. The clouds won't go away. That's OK.
I watched a movie where the guy doesn't get the girl. He wins a kingdom he never wanted in the first place, but that's OK.
No one calls, no one sends an email, no one talks to my face, that's OK.
The world is all out there, waiting to be had. Waiting for my <iron fist?, no,> guidance. that's OK. It does not need me.
The one in charge falls short. The replacement will too. That's OK. We have had a good run.
I will not lead the world today. I will drink my whiskey and listen to the blues. That's OK.

War is not a Soldier.
When you say the word "war", I see a soldier crouching in the mud, dirty, hungry, tired, scared, cold. Gazing through the haze of battle all around, the soldier stands his ground. A battle takes grows and evolves all on it's own. What does a soldier need to know to fight a war? How can the grunt on the ground know what twisted lies creep in the pride of old men. politicians run the world. Lawyers tell soldiers when, where, who to fight. Lawyers make the rules. Lawyers argue the rules. Lawyers judge the rules. Money buys me bread. Lawyers put up the walls I cannot cross in my free society.

Lock your front door?
I know several people who have unsecure wireless networks. They just don't seem to care that people can walk, fly, drive, float by and hop on the Internet with an IP address that leads back to them. It is right up there with identity theft. Some one can break into your home and steel your old drivers license or your birth certificate and make off with your name. Well, Now people are driving down the street and using your IP address to surf child porn, or extort money from a rival business. You lock your front door, right? Turn on the security features on your wireless network.

Mom
My mom reads my blog. She is debating on starting a blog. That would be a bit much I think. I'm trying to think of a catch to get her on. "Write about Jesus."  That should do it.
She is on the mobile walking the dog around the neighborhood. I get the story about the dog next door. Sugar (seven pound ball of fury) scares the German Shepherd next door. He runs and hides when they walk by. She tells me about the Thunderbird parked a couple of houses down. She can hear me type and I tell her I'm typing my blog. She drives a Jeep. She is a tough old gal. She has to yell at the dog for picking up a cigarette. "Drop that!" Sugar will sit there and point like a pointer at bugs crawling across the floor. She will find it and track it until some one comes along and kills it. Kizzy, my mom's other dog. is old and blind. She doesn't go on walks as much any more.
My dad was out mowing the yard the whole time I was on the phone with my mom. He drives a Ford truck.

Maggie
When Maggie is scanned by the Grocery store checker it does not say "NRA Forever" as touted in the 138 episode Extravaganza. It says 847.63 dammit. I know it is hard to read. it is hard to read on the TV screen too.

Sick at work
A buddy of mine came by the office this morning and asked if I wanted to grab some breakfast. She looked terrible. I almost said terrible. I, at the last second, said "You look  ... tired." It turns out she is under the weather. She came by later looking for a decongestant.

Bush
Bush is in Europe talking to the UN among others about all kinds of political stuff. The big story seems to be all th protesters. If I were in change, besides all the nukes I would through at the piss ant mongrel hoards in our way, I would thank the protesters for exorcising their rights.

I deserve ...
Nearly half of all murders are never solved. That means there are some murderers out there who will never pay for their crimes on Earth What you deserve has nothing to do with it..I think we get lulled into thinking that we deserve, or don't deserver things. A friend of mine says jokingly when he does something stupid or mean "The one's who deserve it never get it.". If you stop and think about it, if you believe that you deserve something, you believe in fate, or karma, Fate and karma go hand in hand. I believe in God. I believe God has a plan. The trouble is, it is Gods plan, not mine. I really should stop complaining.

I like the rain
It has been raining like mad for the last several days. The ground is saturated. The water fills up the streets with every cloud that passes over. The little lake behind my work is over it's banks. Everything outside is muddy or, at least, wet through and through. The funny thing is, I love it. I know people who get depressed in a long bout of rain. I don't know. I have an old program for my computer somewhere that generates rain and rainstorm sounds. It does a pretty good job. A buddy of mine is from Oregon. She said once a long bout of rain made her a bit homesick. I suppose if I worked outside I would hate the rain. I work in an office where there is every effort to eliminate any sort of environment. Everything in this office is cold and lifeless. It all smells like disinfectant.
Another buddy said the only wrecks he has ever had were when it just started raining. The oil is picked up by the first rain drops and before it has a chance to run off the road with the water, it is slick as ice in some spots.

Goofy Writers
What is the fascination with Amnesia? I'll bet there are more people in movies and books with amnesia than in real life.

Bastard
This guy is a prick! He stole a bunch of AOL customer information by getting a job with AOL and selling the information to a spammer. He was not authorized to get the data, He stole that too. I've thought about this kind of thing before. Who is stopping MSN from doing the same thing? I think AOL should be held libel for letting the information out somehow. They should be forced to protect their customer's data. When you screw up, you pay. The article said he got $100,000 for one of the chunks of data. If he gets less than two years, others will not be detoured.

More on Papa's Burger
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Thank you.

SetiHome
Seti has a new client. I installed it. I'm not impressed yet. This is some open source project called BIONIC. I am not in the mood to upgrade. They will faze out the classic client. I just don't want to deal with it. I run SETI only because I need to leave my computers on and I hate waist. This client opens up the ability to run multiple projects. For example, SETI and the the old Genome project at the same time. One funny thing is, I heard about this project a long time ago. I wonder why it is only now going live. I don't understand academia. I don't understand open source projects. I don't understand business. I don't understand women. I don't understand God. I don't understand myself. I am not longed for this world.
I really should not write at night.

The Command Line
Ah, I've heard the command line praised and cursed, sometimes in the same breath. There are times it is so much easier to just do something at the command line as apposed to finding the correct combination of GUI (Graphical User Interface) check boxes. Some things don't make sense to do at the command line. For example, editing a photo. Though, mass changes to photos are again easier at the command line. I believe there is a balance somewhere. I believe achieving that balance is like trying to catch a puff of smoke in your bare hands.
Today I found out one of the projects I've been working on for six months has a unique attribute that has been causing the trouble we have experienced. In Unix, command line parameters are case sensitive. In Unix, you must use a hyphen and not a slash because Unix (and Linux) use the slash as a path separator. In MS nothing is case sensitive except passwords. In MS, more often than not, hyphens (dashes) and slashes are interchangeable for command line parameters. Well, until now. This time, this project, a -I and a /I have two distinct different actions. The slash causes the system to prompt for a reboot. The hyphen causes the system to reboot without asking. Neither is really acceptable in my case. One causes a registry error and the other causes confusion.
Six months. Six months over a slash vs. a dash. This is one of those times I want to claw some one's heart out while cackling "Give me back six months of my life!!" But, I'm not bitter.

Sometimes you must just ask God for strength. Sometimes God grants strength, and sometimes you must walk ahead. This life has tests. I've failed them all. Then there are some things you find peace in. I find my balance place while shaving sometimes. I do not understand why. It is most likely the concentration required. The focus. A sharp blade against my face, I must pay attention and guide the razer carefully. I must learn to do the same with my life.

War Simulator Rant
I had a little rant earlier about the games I'm playing not having hoards of civilians that you are not aloud to shoot. Well, I did a poor job of complaining. This person did a much, much better job. This site hits the nail on the head. Thanks to a fellow gamer for the link. Very nice rant.

Creepy
A buddy of mine sent me this link. I have to say, this is proof that you can find anything  and I mean anything! on the Internet. With any luck, they will have an Olympics contender soon. Go U. S. A.. I've tried to do this myself, but I'm terrible at it. If you try it for the first time, I suggest wearing safety goggles. He also sent me this link a couple of days ago. This guy has too much time on his hands.

My new favorite radio station.
GodSmack, Tool, Kittie, Linkin Park, Rammstein. I've forgotten the feeling of a good metal band.


Living Will
There is some sappy movie on TV (I need cable) about a family's plight to pull the plug on grandma. She is brain dead. Some of the family members are fighting the decision to let her die. Look, if I ever can't go to the bathroom on my own and there is no chance I will ever go to the bathroom on my own again ... pull the plug. Then pick up the machine and bludgeon me to death with it.

Bills
I just found the Master Card bill wedged under a notebook on the floor. This is where i keep my bills while trying to get up the strength to pay them. It was due on the 18th, It is the 20th. Oops.  I need to figure out online bill paying. I don't know if I would like to pay my credit card online, but most of my other bills I would just pay without much attention. That sounds like a great way to screw people. I know I will not check every month. I remember an episode of Friends where two of the guys try to cancel their gym membership. They both end up changing banks to get out from under the monthly charge. My parents had a $7 MSN charge on their credit card for about a year without checking closely. It took a couple of months to get the charge off the card. How many billions of dollars are squandered every year by poor soles who don't check the listing on their credit card bills? I was at Sears buying a replacement wrench and the guy had to run my card twice. I found two charges on the bill fir $8.xx. I was mad, because the guy didn't get anything from the transaction. He just messed up and I paid the price. I still wish I had called and contested the $8.xx. It is a small price to pay. My parents got double billed for a $200 jacket once. When we contested the bill, American Express never ended up charging them for the jacket. I'm not sure what happened there.

Nightmares
I'm watching an old episode of Buffy (S2 E7) called Nightmares. Cordelia has a nightmare about becoming a nerd. Buffy has a nightmare about being buried alive and becoming a vampire. Zander has a dream about a clown that scared him when he was a kid. Willow is stuck on sage without knowing the words to her song (that is the worse one). Every one has their own nightmare. My worse nightmare is dreaming that I'm back in school. I'm in the classroom and for some reason I have to go through school all over again. There is no test that I didn't study for. There is no uncomfortable social situation. I'm not naked. I'm just there. That is bad enough. School was an absolute nightmare for the outcast kids. People on the inside have no idea how much pain flows through us.

Syria again
Oh, come on. This is a joke right? Basically Syria is getting the same treatment as Cuba from the U. S. at the moment. They are not happy about it and want to hit back at America. I bet if they would stop supporting the people killing our citizens, we would play nice back. What do you think?

Blog Search
I went looking for some search engines for blogs. Searching the Internet is hurt by the number of blogs out there with no real content. Google may take blogs out of the search results. I just got through complaining about the results my blog messed up on Google. It looks like we are not the only ones affected. I've read some of the blogs out there and they are just people mashing the keyboard. Then you run across the lady with two terminally ill children who just trys to make it through another day. I've gotten where I hate reading random blogs.

Reality TV and Reality
I was watching this documentary called "Deadline Iraq - Unseen Footage from War Reporters" and there was an interesting quote. One of the female corespondents said something like "You would get up in the morning and wonder who was getting voted off the island today." One of the other female reporters freaked me out. She made mention of her kids and I looked at her. She looked like the typical mom next door, or a school teacher.

Two Faced
Powell says Stay, while the department he leads says get out. The American embassy has removed all but the most needed personnel from Saudi Arabia for "safety reasons."  It upsets me when my government talks out of both sides of it's mouth. They say "if you leave, the terrorists win." Then they say "We are out of here." Come on guys. Maybe the problem is not that people concerned for the safety of their families are leaving the country. Perhaps it is because we are loosing that part of the war on terror.
The U. S. cannot take on the rest of the world. We just don't have the will or resources. Playing these war simulation games has given me a respect for solders. I a bit less willing to send people into a war zone. One thing that is sharply missing from all these games that I have played, civilians. There are no mobs of chanting protesters. The commuters just trying to get to the store and to work are missing. All the cities are evacuated. This adds to my respect for modern armed forces. maybe they should make senators play BF-V for a while.

Attacks Every Day
Half the news stories in international news are of attacks somewhere or other. Iraq, Afghanistan, Saudi Arabia, and others around the world seem to have attacks daily if not hourly. It is depressing. I may forgo my news addiction and skip  the international news for a bi. (We all know that will not happen.)

Lets find out who is reading
I now have a couple of friends blogging. A couple of them fear specific people reading the blog. Some fear their boss more than their family. Others fear their parents finding the link. I am willing to let any one read my blog. I refuse to worry about it. Let the chips fall where they may.
That said, I think a coworker who I had no idea was reading my blog found out I can't stand being around her (She is just too nice, It feels like she is hiding something.). It actually kind of worked. I've had a coworker ask me if something I complained about at work was for real. I've had a couple of incidents where my second job complained. They even said I was getting more hits on my blog than the main page for the company. (or something like that) because I had mentioned the company name and linked to the page. I bet they will find the mention of this weekend's plans (to play video games) and that will affect our relationship. Hey, it is the truth. That doesn't make it right.

This morning
I wake up to my down stairs neighbor listening to the news or something at 6:45 AM. I stomp around and take a shower. I play my video game. at 11:00 AM or so I call my buddy Adam to find out if we can go to lunch (we ended up at dinner). He is busy. I go back to the video  game. My buddy Bryan calls around 12:20 AM and asks me if I want to go to lunch. I tell him no because I'm too into my video game.  He is an avid player and understands.
Now, what have we learned from this?
* Kelly is fickle?
* Kelly likes Adam better than Bryan?
* Kelly was at a stopping point when calling Adam, but in the middle of the game when Bryan called?
I don't know or care. This is just some stuff that happened.

Keyboard
I give up. This is a nice little keyboard, but it is not going to work. I'm coming around to the fact that I am just going to need a full size keyboard. I might be able to use a laptop keyboard for emergencies, but my hands go numb after prolonged use.  I will through the little keyboard in my laptop bag and hope I never have to rely on using it.
A buddy gave me a wireless keyboard and mouse combo. It is this funky gyroscopic mouse. I cannot use it. It is too oddly shaped and the gyroscopic part is counter intuitive. The keyboard is really nice though. I'm trying it right now and so far so good. It is just the placement of the backspace key that is killing me. It is little and further away than is appropriate really. There should be a standard for the size and placement of the enter, backspace, and other keys.

Papa's Burgers
This is a restaurant on Westhimer down by 610. They are just a burger joint. My friend Adam summed it up in one quick statement. "There is a lot of eh and too much uh at that place." He was right. First off, you walk in the place to a typical counter and order just like any other burger joint. The funny thing is, you then don't pay, you go straight to your seat and wait for your wait staff to take your ticket. They get your drinks. Anyway the place is too tight. The tables are too close together. It is too noisy. The food was just kind of boring. The best part of the whole evening was the bottle of beer. Even their shakes were just plane boring.

New video game
I'm liking Battlefield Vietnam. It is a great run. The graphics are not the most wonderful. The action, however, is awesome. The game allows for ducking behind weeds. Vietnam is full of thick undergrowth. You cannot take more than a nick or two before you go down for the count. it is all but impossible to see people at distance. I'm still playing with the gamma and other controls to get my notebook screen to work for me.

My Chosen lifestyle
I am a recluse. I was chatting with a friend over email this afternoon. She gave me her list for the weekend. She had so much to do that she had accidentally double booked her time. I don't have much trouble with that one. I told her that I intend to play my new video game (details above) for the entire weekend. We went back and forth several times. She was trying to convince me to get out and enjoy the day/evening. I told her that if I can tell whether it is day or night, I've failed in my total-immersion into cyber space..
I did make it out most of the afternoon with a friend of mine (Robin) for a late lunch and coffee. We ended up at CompUSA and Wal-Mart.. She got my old digital camera. She got home and had some pictures of her dogs emailed to me in no time. way to go Robin.
Anyway, I don't go out and party. I don't get much time in with other people. Work is the most interaction I have with humans. I'm better at communicating with computers. That is just what is special about me. If it means I'm not happy or that I'm alone, then so be it. I'm tired of complaining.

Outsourcing at home
There is an article on CNN's page that says the fast food market is finally going to automated ordering. It other words, no people. I have to admit, I'm sick of a shit-head behind the counter I wouldn't trust with a dead rat taking my food order. I have to admit, I would love to find robots making the food as well. There are already Mexicans in the back of the local Mcy-Dees. The people placing the order only know enough to barely get by (if that). I welcome the change. I can't wait to try it out. I remember the old skit "I want a cheese burger, large fries, and an orange drink."  The answer comes back "moomonefomfoomfofoommofomomomfomoomofm?" Then the guy in the car says "No, an orange drink!!" The answer comes back "moomonefomfoomfofoommofomomomfomoomofm?". Now, you will just get a blue screen of death every time you order no pickles.
I keep reading that the total number of new jobs created in the U. S. includes fast food. Some of those jobs are English speaking American citizens taking the jobs of Mexicans in these kinds of jobs. This will not be an option in the near future. Who will be working in the U. S. in fifty years. I pity the next generation. How do you have a welfare state if no on is working? You don't. You have a revolution.  I mean, think about it. Capitalism is equals, work, spend, work, spend, work, spend. Even if you are not the one working, some one has to make the money to keep the economy running  No work, no spend. We are talking about the end of capitalism.

New Keyboard
I'm trying out a new keyboard  It is a flexible type board with very close keys. You really have to pound the keys to get hem to register properly.  Getting used to a new keyboard is a challenge. This keyboard has a condensed layout. It is little-bitty. Right now I have to watch every key to make sure it shows up properly. The old flexible keyboard I had hit double keys every couple of strokes. So far the only mess-ups are from me missing or fat-fingering keys. The arrow keys are funny too. I think this just might work.

Some days there just isn't anything going on. There are a bunch of news stories, but I get board with just posting news up here. I 'm sure you can go grab all the news you need, same as me. I'm trying to think if there is anything in my personal life of interest. The only stuff that comes to mind is boring stuff.

Productivity Tools
Some one should suggest that the company put in an internal web cam looking at the line in the cafeteria. This would prevent useless trips across the bridge (as we call it in this building) like the one I just took. It is a rainy day and every one eats at the company cafeteria. The lines are nuts. I even waited a half hour or so. I'll have to try again later. The web cam would work great in this situation.

Fight 93
Flight 93 is the one that crashed in Pennsylvania on September 11.  The commission running in Washington this past month calls Flight 93 a failed part of the plan. The article says there was a bunch of bickering amongst the terrorists on targets and dates. It turns out the 9/11 plan was basically a SNAFU from the start. The terrorists still managed to kill a bunch of influential people. Those tours were full of very high level insurance and finance executives.

Lookout, here comes Iran
It looks like Iran is massing troops and preparing for an invasion of Iraq. I've often suspected that the minute the Iraqi government takes over they will tell the American forces to take a hike. I can only imagine that there will be  a power vacuum. I don't know what kind of army the new Iraqi government will have, but they will need one to keep control. I thought for sure it would come from forces inside Iraq. One of those clerics or militants would time a revolution properly. Actually, I envision a mass run for Baghdad by every swinging turban in the country with a donkey and an AK. I suppose I should have seen Iran throw their hat in the ring.  (past article on Iran)
It doesn't help that China is helping Iran get nuclear materials.

Links
Here is another reason to get a digital camera. Read close to the bottom on how the British solder was nabbed.
Cool site shows you how to make you PC look like a Mac.

Relationships
My life is a conundrum. I want a relationship, but I don't want the pain of loss when things go wrong. I want sex, but I don't want the relationship around the sex because of the pain of loss. I can't bring myself to sleep around. I don't know why. I'm just old fashioned I suppose. Maybe I'm afraid it will lead to a relationship, and thus the pain of loss. I find myself hanging out with women who are taken. This is a bad, bad thing. If it were to lead to something, that is bad. I won't let it lead to anything because that might tern into a relationship, and I can't allow that because of the pain of loss. It's getting to the point where I don't want to hang out with my friends because they all have some one. All I want to do is go home and sleep or spend hours (and I mean hours) on the computer and disappear from the rest of the universe. When I'm on the computer it is like I don't exist. I become part of the network.
I'd tern queer, except I wouldn't be any better at that.
I would get into drugs or become an alcoholic, but I'm too cheap.
The worse pat is, I don't want to break out. Every time I think about the things that will get me out of this looping rut, I just end up back on the computer or asleep. The thought of using a dating service makes me think less of myself. Dating services are for people with an ear in the middle of their forehead.  The 8 minute dating thing stresses me out just thinking about it. That is how brokers and TV personalities find each other.
Please don't send suggestions. I just want to vent.

Software Fix
So there I was, I wrote a small program a million years ago to convert a VAX report (meant for a printer) to an Access database. The software works, but there are always foibles in the prints that make the data look funny. This time, some short tag names caused some dashes to show up funny in the database. I'm ran through the code and found where the problem was. What needed to happen is a re-write of a small section of code that handled the generation of these alleged tag numbers. Too bad, I don't have time for that. I added three lines of code that just fix the problem when it shows up. I bitch constantly when others do this. MS is known for patching output rather than fixing databases. It is just faster, and addresses the specific gripe of the boss looking over your shoulder at the moment.
Speaking of looking over my shoulder. I had both of my bosses come in and ask me how it was going on this one. There are two guys who are responsible for the data I manipulate. They both hung around waiting for the fix. It reminds me of Office Space "I have 8 bosses ..."
Let's see, I have S, my main boss whom I like to work for. Then there is R,S. and sometimes C, They are for packaging. T and J for Intools. I suppose that is about it at the moment. Every one else who gives me orders is either a one time thing, or goes through these people.

Whom to believe
I'm reading a book called The da Vincii code. It talks about how Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene and how the Catholic church has covered it all up. It is a story I already heard. The book makes some compelling arguments. Honestly, I've wondered lately if I would see the fall of the Catholic church in my lifetime. It would kind of suck if the Vatican came out and said "We screwed up. We invented a male dominant religion for our own purposes. Everyone go back to Judaism. ... Sorry for the sixteen hundred years of lies." (read the book and you will get why it is sixteen hundred and not two thousand years)  I've said many times that I believe in God very much, but I don't put much faith in religion. God made Earth and people. People made religion. That is my two cents anyway.
It all boils down to whom you believe.

Oh My Blog!

Writing
I enjoy writing. I enjoy just hitting the keys and stuff popping up on the screen. It is an instant gratification thing I suppose. The trouble is having something to say. Sometimes I will have an idea in my head screaming to get out and the words just poor out on the page like blood from a wound. You can't stop them .Then there is the blank page. that is more frightening than, dare I say it, public speaking, to a writer. The nice thing about a blog is the bouncing flow. You can jump from one subject to the other without a seg-way and no one seems to mind.

Simpsons
I'm watching the Simpsons. The title of this episode is "Lesa's first word". They flash back to 1983. Bart is alive. and Lisa is about to be born. That would mean Bart is at least 21 now. Sheesh. What a baby-face. I think Bart is supposed to be ten years old. I think he has had about five birthdays though. Oh, well. It is a cartoon after all.

da Vinci Code
One of the things they little details in this book is that da Vinci wrote in reverse script that was indecipherable except in a mirror.  I sit here thinking of digital cameras and computer ciphers. I've read about encryption. The math doesn't always make sense.

Clouds and carbon based life forms
A buddy of mine was board on her way back from a family reunion in Louisiana. She decided to call me and get a science lesson. She asked what it meant that humans are carbon based life forms (clearly having herd this from a SciFi show). I explained that all life (possibly with the exception of virus) is made at an atomic level with carbon as a basis of it's chemical reactions. Chemical reactions are what keep us alive. Any imbalance can kill life. That is why cyanide kills with so little a dose, because it stops carbon and carbon based molecules from doing their job. She took this in stride. I left out the fact that at different temperatures carbon will not work. The next element that might support life is silicon. At higher temperatures the loose electrons on silicon will have nearly identical properties as carbon at our living temperature.
Somewhere in there was a discussion of clouds. She asked exactly what clouds are made from. I said water, dust, ice crystals and air. I almost wish I knew where the question came from. The car she was driving had her husband, child and mother in law.

Chemicals
I'm watching a Night Line or 20/20 talking about chemical plant security. I work at a chemical company. I know I cannot enter the office building without going through two card controlled gates and passing at least one guard. Green Peace jumped the back fence and blocked the entrances with a Ryder Truck last year. They had control of the place for an entire day. They showed up in gas masks and were nearly shot by the guard on duty. It was not that far after 9/11. No jury would have convicted him.

Resume
I have a first draft. It is ugly, but has most of the notes i want on it. There is a section at the top telling "my future employer" why I'm thinking of leaving the company I'm currently with, and what I can do for them.  I want to expand that small paragraph, but the words don't come. I've sent the resume off to some friends for scrutiny. It is still a rough draft. I'll keep you informed.