It wasn't me. You can't prove anything.


Don’t want to Jinx it

Friday was a good day. Work was not easy. I learned some new procedures. Some things got done. I severed my beliefs from reality. It went well. The world is still out to get me, but it is okay somehow. I made it home alive. The family is OK. None of the idiots running for president is all that far out front. The foundation of the universe is built on the will of a dreaming god.

Saturday was pretty good. I watched Inside Out. It made me cry and it was a good thing. The show is about crying being a good thing. It was about growing up. I hear someone put together just the outside scenes of the show and it still made a good movie. That is just how that production company works.

I’m turning 50 in a couple years. For the first time in my life I’m looking forward to a year. This frightens me. I have never looked forward to a birthday or getting older in my life. It has always not been all that bad. Now I’m terrified of jinxing it by looking forward to getting older.

My eye doctor, when I was 21, told me I was good to go on the vision front until I was 50. Strange things happen to eyes after age 50. Still, I look forward to the half century mark. I mean, shit happens. Shit happens whether you jinxed it or not. Shit happens to good people and shit happens to bad people.  Shit happens to people who never had shit happen to them.

I still don’t want to jinx it. Do I let myself feel OK about it?

As we age, bad things seem to happen more often when it comes to health. That is just accepted. I have a history of fearing things long before they hit me. When I was younger, I feared going bald. Now I embrace it. I never feared going gray, but it is happening right now and it is no big deal. It really is distinguished.

Real illnesses of course are different. Few folks look upon a health scare as a right of passage. That is what i fear this time. The prediction by my old eye doctor haunts me. I must not let fear guide my life. I must take the reins and put my will in to it. We must all do the best we can with what we have and then do it again, and again.

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