Yawn
Man it was hard getting out of bed this morning. I normally get up at about 4:30 to get ready for work. I don't leave the house until about 5:30. I need that time just to screw my head on straight. This morning was more difficult than normal. I had some magic meat packets at a friend of mine's house. I was tossing and turning all night. I got up at 1:00 am and downed Maalox and a glass of water. This morning when I tried to stand up out of bed, I nearly fell right back down. I was dizzy with sleepiness. I wander if the people below me hear me stumble around in the morning. I probably sound like I'm trying to dance or something.

Campy
I've always thought Campy was when you act like you are trying to seem serious, but really you are not taking anything seriously. I hear this term all the time describing movies and stories. I bet there is no agreed definition.

The Art Teacher
A buddy of mine told me an anecdote. So, my buddy has this art teacher in one of the k12 years. My buddy asks the teacher 'Tell us about the drunkest you ever got." Kids are like that. They don't take into account that just telling a story like that could get the teacher fired. Anyway. The teacher describes this episode where the teacher and a friend drank themselves silly and tried to get in the car to drive home. The only trouble was, neither of them could find the steering wheel. When the duo came to in the morning, they found they had both inadvertently gotten in the back seat of the car.
Now, this is an art teacher. I'm thinking this story was concocted to cover why two drunk guys would be found sleeping "together" in the back seat of a car in a bar parking lot. Trouble is, I'm the suspicious type.

Magic 8 ball
Some one at my day job has a Magic 8 ball on her desk. It is bright green. It is fashioned after the Muppets. When you get an answer from it they are like "morpmorp" (Swedish Chef) and "waka-waka" (Fazzy bear).
My colleague is in training this week. I snuck over and shook the ball. "Will I get laid this weekend?" I closed my eyes and waited to hear what cute, goofy response it would come up with. It said "No." Piece of shit.

Anecdote cubed
So, my buddy (a different one) tells me a story about this guy who had no idea how to tell a story. This guy would look my buddy in the eye and tell him stories like "So, man, I was in the airport and I had to go to the can and I finally made it and I'm like 'ahh'." My buddy would look at this guy like he was nuts every time he told one of the pointless stories and the guy just never got it.
This guy told a stupid story about an airport bathroom (anecdote 1). My buddy told me the story about him telling the story (anecdote 2). I'm telling you the story about the whole thing now (anecdote 3). ... a true story by the way.

Some days
Some days, I hate being me. I just had to cancel two PC-Mall orders because the Fed-Ex deliveries require signatures. PC-Mall puts a sticker on them that requires it. They want you to come pick it up. That defeats the whole purpose of Fed-Ex. I'm so pissed I can't think straight. I want to scream at the people for their lack of compassion. I called PC-Mall and they say there is nothing they can do. I call Fed-Ex and they say there is nothing they can do. If I knew a good lawyer, I know exactly what I would do.
If I were born a hundred or more years ago, I would not be expected to pass an eye test to get into society. If I couldn't see as well as every one else, I would just get a job where it wasn't important. If I were born a hundred years from now, I bet they would have something to fix my eyes. Thanks God. You picked a fine time to make Kelly.