It wasn't me. You can't prove anything.


Geek Speak - What was I thinking?
So, I'm remotely setting my router settings for SSH and of course I get two of the settings backwards. I know this because I get dumped out of the remote connection and now I'm staring at the screen saying "Why did I do this at 7:00 in the morning?" Now I'm locked out for the rest of the day. :-\

Josh's last day
Josh is CEO of Tpro Solutions. It is Josh's last day at my day job. He works there too. This is a huge step for Tpro. Things are moving. It turns out several people are looking at our potential. This is a real thing. Tpro is taking on a life of it's own. I'm very excited. I'm learning things left and right. Nothing takes the flare out of a job like not learning anything new. I don't know how people can continue in a place where they do the same thing every day. God bless those who can, I am not one. I picture a manufacturing line with robots and humans drowning away for years. Making the same thing without stopping. I picture sweatshops in China and South America turning out garments for USA teens by the ship load. It all just ends up in a land fill somewhere. I would go nuts in ten minutes. I would climb the walls.
I wander when the robots will get board. Where will their little silicon minds wander?
Anyway, Tpro.
I can drop names. I can drop companies. The ink, come on inc. It is funny that civilization has chosen the signature as a means of identification and commitment. The signature is removed just far enough from reality to make it the embodiment of a thought. Our names mean allot to us. So much, that they are stolen routinely. A promise is made by one to another and a signature of ink goes on a piece of paper. A corporation is a non-living person. The laws in many arias treat an incorporated company with rights and privileges. The inc. is a pile of signatures, a basket of promises. The money hardly enters into it. The money is too close to reality. Money is just one of the many commodities traded day to day. Money, gold, promises, food, lives, land, insurance, and everything that has ever been traded for something else all clash. The first day of economics class they mention supply and demand. For me, today, it begins.


<written 2003-07-27 in the evening>
FEW (Geek disaster resolution)!!!

Sometimes I amaze even myself. I've restaged the Linux server and have most of the functionality up and running. That is no big deal, What amazes me is that I did it today. I had planned on not getting out of bed and just sleeping my sorrow away. I just couldn't leave it though. Something about a sick server calling to me “cough, Kelly .. wheeze help me. cough.” it is my purpose I think.
I still can't get SETI to run on startup. I'm taking baby steps.
<end 2003-07-27>

SETI works
I got Seti working. It turns out it was running, but God only knows where the temporary files were written in the interim. Seti at Home is neat. It is a truly Geek thing to do. If you leave your computer on all day anyway, it is worth setting up the Seti at home screen saver. I have a group called Slackers Incorporated.

My web server is RedHat Linux. I'm hearing more and more about other countries using linux instead of anything else for their people and super computers. Here are a bunch of slasdot articles to make you think.
China Building Linux-Based 10 Teraflop Supercomputer
2003: Year of Linux in Asia?
Why Linux Makes Sense for India
India's First Commercial Supercomputer Running Linux
All schools In Denmark switching to Linux


Geek Woes
So, I'm trying to get my server to do HTTP (put the pictures on the blog) and I manage to destroy the rights settings on /var folder. Not just the top of /var, the whole damn thing. Curs -R. What is the point of groups in Linux anyway. They don't do shit for you. Even when I 777 the html folder I still have to log in as root to put anything in the html folder or make any changes. Or, I have to change the owner to me which I'm sure will screw up other stuff. I've added the group I made to my login. I change the group in html (then accidentally in the whole damn /var folder) and nothing works properly. DRAT!!!! Restage. . . delay in the pictures on the blog. =[ Wish me luck.
The trouble is I just don't have the strength to fix it today. It was one of those things where you hit enter and the computer isn't even done messing up all the folders and you realize that you just messed up the machine to the point you will need to restage. I'm going to order a pizza and put myself in a sugar coma.


I need a vacation. It has been over a year. I have plenty of time saved up. Work is weird now. I seem to have time, but no direction. Tpro is about to take off, but hasn't yet. This would be a great time. Guess what, I have no plans.
Walking into work is hard. The air is thick. The mosquitoes are not bad yet. The neighborhood sprays thank goodness. I dread West Nile. That might be a nice break, if it weren't for the whole dying thing. That is desperation.
I have a love for landscapes. I have the bug to put my Yellowstone pictures on the blog. Coming soon, I promise.

It amazes me how much money I save by not having a car. No car payment. No insurance. No gas. No tires. No breaks. No vehicle boredom. I pay four dollars every year to ride the bus, and its a rip-off. I ride the bus home and role right past a Kroger grocery store. You know, it is one of the most difficult things in my life to get off that bus and do some shopping. I know people who bitch when they have to walk half way across a parking lot to get in a building. I have to wait from across the street. Some people say "It's too hot to go shopping" meaning they don't want to walk from the car to the building and back. I have to wait for ten to forty five minuets every time I go to the store on the bus in the heat or rain. That can make it hard to get milk and ice cream. I used to order groceries online. They all went bankrupt. Their prices were high. I would have accepted a $100 minimum order if it would have dropped the prices a bit. I promise to go shopping with whom ever I end up with, even if to just soften the blow of shopping. AARGH!!! The fridge is empty, except for catsup and parmesan cheese. My mother is a saint. she will take me to the store any time I ask. I try to save her offer until I just have to go. Then I make sure to buy everything.

Dad Story
It is really cool. My father and I have gone out for a beer after work a couple of times. That is awesome. We talk and I get some of his old stories. I find myself listening to my mother's calls when she calls me at work. I stop and talk with them. It is official, I'm old.
My father had a story for me recently. My grandfather always had Cadillacs. He liked fishing. Once when my father was a kid, they went fishing together. They had the tents and cots in the trunk. They drove down to the side of the river and fished until late. They went to bed without trouble. My father woke up with with water up to the bottom of the cot. The river had to come up over night. Thank goodness they had parked on a high spot. The back of the Cadillac was in the water. They drove off with all of their camping equipment floating down the river. "Don't tell your mother."

My dad recently bought a Chevy pickup for 1500 bucks. It has 80,000 miles and had hit one deer and been hit by another deer shortly there after. Pop put on a new fender and got the door dent fixed. The whole truck painted and it is for sale for 6,000 or best offer. I bet he will get it too.

Don't ask
Dog walks into a saloon with a bandage on his foot. The dog says "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
Bar tender asks a guy "Is that a steering wheel in your pants?" Guy says "Ya, it's driving me nuts."

Crabby mood
I have been in the crabbiest mood lately. One of my co-workers asked me yesterday if everything was all right. Everything is ok, It is just all ok all at once. I try not to write much when I'm in that kind of mood. The thought of getting my Yellowstone pictures on the net helps lighten my mood.


Happy Tree Friends. Watch at your own risk.
I say we hire these guys when we need some flash work done.

Four Rooms
I never watched this show when it came out in the late nineties. it is four skits by four directors. The first two are kind of lame. The last one is ok. The third one, the one with the kids, is great. I think it is the shorest one too. Ironic.

Photos on the net
I need some feedback. I want to put together another website of photos. I've found some software to help out. The design will be “wrinkly” at best. That is all a piece of cake. What I need to know is what to put on the site. My old site had landscapes and pictures I took at the Renaissance Festival. That was a no-brainer. Now I mostly have photos of friends and boring business stuff. When I have an interesting photo of some one, when is it OK to put it on the net?
One must be careful. There are a couple of sites you don't want to have your photo. on. There is a site that has something to do with fat chicks in party hats. You would be amazed how many pictures are out there of fat women warring party hats. It has nudity on it or I'd link to it.

Sweet Sub-Laptip


File Swapping
There is a move afoot by RIAA to make sure that the copyrights held by big business are protected. The trouble is, they are about to make things nuts by suing their own customers. Now there is a move by the folks who make the P2P software to conceal those who imbibe. The new Kazaa Lite says it protects the identity of the user and with less spyware to boot. Now, even Congress is getting involved.

Geek Speak
So, I 'm trying to get my web server up and running. I adjust the settings on Apache. I adjust the settings on my router. It won't pass through. I can get the “This is a test “ page from inside the firewall, but not from outside. The funny thing is I have to ask some one else, via chatting or email, to hit the page and let me know what happens. To properly test the page, you have to be outside the firewall. Sometimes the people testing the system get a login screen. WTF. Well, I figured out pretty quick that I had rigged up my router to ask people to login into the router, not the server, from outside the network. I don't know how, but that was what happened. Anyway. It turns out the filtering rules were messed up. I hadn't hit enter enough times, and I hadn't told the rules to “on failure continue to next rule”. Who knew? BAH. Well, last time I checked It was still up and running.
My whole intent for getting this up and running now is to put picture links on my blog. Coming soon.

A guy got on the bus this morning in overalls. He had the whole ensemble, Mullet, buck teeth, the smell of horse dung. This guy looked like he just stepped off the turnip truck.

Microsoft Names Linux its Number Two Risk (Straight off
Posted by CowboyNeal on Saturday July 19, @10:14AM
from the not-quite-as-bad-as-recession dept.
Jorkapp writes "Microsoft has officially moved Linux up to the Number 2 Risk to the company (With Economic Environment at No. 1). Bill Gates has taken the threat very seriously, and has identified Linux and non-commercial software as 'out there and very pervasive.' In response, Microsoft has dropped the price of Windows CE and opened the embedded OS to developers. This will not only allow developers to view and modify CE, but also distribute software incorporated to the modified code."

I wander where Bill's deal with Satin ranks?
Bill says to Satin "I want to be the most powerful software mogul in the universe."
Satin says "Sure bill your software will be the best software money can buy. MWUAAA AAAA AAAAAA!!!!!!"
Bill replies "Where do I sign?"


I went to a party this past Saturday evening. I took 121 pictures. I was wandering why my camera was going through batteries like mad. I need to get the FTP server up and running so I can post them. There is a girl who was at the party I like I won't say her name here, but I'm not keeping it a secret. She wouldn't appreciate her name blasted all over the internet. She is a real person. She isn't plastic. I use the term plastic Kelly on this blog because you aren't getting the whole story of Kelly. There are big pieces missing. I fear I will never get to know her. That thought hurts.

My grandmother past away at about 4:30 AM this morning.
It's really great the response I've gotten about my grandmother. People out there really care. I can't say I miss my grandmother that much because I spent most of my life avoiding her. That is horrible, I know. I should feel worse. It will catch up with me I'm sure. I don't hate her. I don't feel much of anything.
My dad thinks he deserves something when some one dies. I don't know what he means really. He says “There was nothing left after so-and-so died for any one.” That isn't what living is about. I believe firmly in God and when some one dies I feel relief. I don't hear voices from beyond the grave or anything. I just know they have moved on. When some one dies or is born, that is the closest the rest of us come to knowing what's real while we are here. Money isn't real. Time isn't real. Time, money, possessions, the Earth itself, they would all be here without me. Our faith is ours alone. We must each find it where and when we can I suppose.
There I go with the soap box again. By-by Grandma.


My grandmother is in dire straights. She has suffered the affects of Alzheimer's for several years. I feel that I lost her about four years ago. She hasn't recognized me in a long time. She doesn't recognize her sons She doesn't remember things from long ago. Now her body is failing. She gets repeated kidney infections and that is bringing her liver down. She is suffering multiple organ failure. I fear next week is when I'll get the call.
She grew up during the great depression. Food was hard to come by. She always stored canned food in the cellar of her home in Kansas. When my parents went up to sell her house, they said there were cans in the back that may have been twenty years old or more. There were cloths stacked from floor to celling in back bedrooms. She had five abb cruncher machines. Those bastards had her on a list and just kept selling her stuff over the phone.
I never liked her. She was manipulative. She tried to drive a wedge between my parents every day. She treated my mother like a criminal for steeling her son away. I remember hearing stories of the fights she and my late grandfather had. Even the filter of time doesn't soften the hate that was there. They got divorced after forty five years of marriage. Can you believe that, forty five years? She lived a very hard life.

Now I understand why I can't find a mate. There is an article on Slashdot that says Genus is killed by marriage. I must be too important to the cosmos to jeopardize my brain. (I can't even type that with a straight face) This is my story and I'm sticking to it. :-)

The Office
Things are weird at the office. People are fed up with the way the company treats them. Some people are leaving the company soon. I may not be far behind. I go into work these days and want to just tell people to go away. I'm tired of being the guy expected to take a pay cut and double the work. I can't wait to be the one in charge. I may not be any good at it, but It will be me running things. Management. The word leaves a nasty taste in my mouth. (patoooy).

Saturday Plans
I never have plans on the weekends. Today I have a business meeting about a new customer with Tpro and I have a party to go to later thrown by a buddy of mine going through a divorce. Hopefully his divorce is done and we are celebrating the new beginning. The business meeting is good news. We will discuss timing and future plans for the new customer and our company. This customer is small, but that is where you start. It feels good to be part of something new and exciting. I've learned so much just hanging around with these guys. It is a challenge to keep up. I like it.
I hope it is sunny later today. It is 2:30 am on Saturday right now. I came home after work and collapsed. It is better that way really. It seems I get more done at this time in the morning.


Four Horse Theory
At the first moment of life God hands us the reins to our life. We are granted free will by God. There are limits, but we steer the four wild hors pulling us through the wilderness. Their names are Fear, Drive, Peace and Wisdom.
Fear, do I need to explain Fear? Fear leads us one direction all the time pulling. Drive leads us the opposite way always pulling. The balance between these two give us direction. Peace and Wisdom are blind, but pull with all their might. Peace is forgotten these days. It is in our hearts or it drags us down when it doesn't pull it's weight. Wisdom does the same. If the four horse balance is not maintained, we fall to the side and are lost.

My grandmother is in a home. She can't feed or take care of herself anymore. She hasn't know who I am in years. The pictures on the dresser are of strangers. She went in the hospital today for a kidney infection and dehydration. It is difficult to keep fluids in her. I hope I die before I get old. That isn't living. I hear-by ask that some one pull the plug on me if I get that bad. If there is no hope of me ever communicating again, then just let me go.


Sleep on a Saturday
I slept until 2:30 PM on Saturday. I was up most of the night chatting with friends. It is 2:00 AM in the morning on Sunday and here I am again chatting with a friend of mine about moldy cheese. I like the internet. She is allergic to blue cheese and penicillin. Go figure. Even instant coffee is good with enough sleep in your eyes.

Soft Contacts
The soft contacts are working out OK. The right one spins a bit. I'm figuring out it is my squint that is the trouble, not the contact. They are miles better than the hard contacts. The hard took care of all of my stigmatism. The soft contacts aren't as good at the stigmatism, but they are much better in the comfort area. Wish me luck.

Old Diary
A long time ago I kept a diary in a book. Actually, I printed pages and kept them in a binder. There are stories in there that I might put on my blog someday. The last entry in that diary is from several years ago and it reads “I need to start living my life instead of just writing about it.” That wasn't the truth really. I just thought the diary was too boring to continue. I let some friends read the book. I promised myself that I would let people read it if they asked. That was years before any one heard of a blog. It fits in very nicely though. I don't even know who reads this thing. That is one of the thrills of it.

Right Now
I'm at a total loss for what to write. I feel like typing though so here is what is happening in my life right now. I'm watching a movie called Spriggan. I'm really just playing it in the background while I type. It is OGG, so even though I downloaded it there are subtitles and both Japanese and English sound tracks. They have come a long way in downloaded media offerings.
I just got back from a meeting with Tpro and we are moving forward. We have a big step coming and I hope I'm up for the challenge. It is what I have been waiting for.
A friend of mine spoke to me about having children. She was very sincere. She is in a situation where she just might ask me to be the father. This would be in the pretty distant future. We both have careers to look after. Isn't that the way though? Life is what happens to you while your are making other plans. I think Mic Jagger said that. So, should I do it? I think so. I'm thinking about that right now and I'm smiling ear to ear. The only trouble is I would not be a present father. She doesn't want a man slowing her down.
There have been two women in the past who wanted to have a child with me. They didn't measure up. That isn't self centered (OK, it is). It is a terribly frightening prospect, even with some one you will be with during the hard times. She will not be there for me, nor will she need me I'm afraid. Still. Will my parents have grandchildren? The play little in my decision. it is my life, her life, and the life we may bring into the world. Do you feel the debate going on in my heart. it is exhilarating, terrifying, and a bunch of other scary words.
She is probably not going to ask anyway. God loves me either way. I think I'll wait for the real thing, the one that includes love. Sorry “she”, the answer is you aren't offering enough. I'm worth far more.


Early day off
Tomorrow is the Fourth of July. We have it off at my day job. I'm spending some time with my parents and my Aunt and Uncle are in from California. That should be fun. I've decided at the last minute to take the rest of the day off after lunch. My father says “good for you.” I need the relaxation. Some one came in with some information at the last minute. I need something different than he's giving me. He wants to give me a bunch of examples and I need a process. If you are in corporate America, you know what I mean.

My frigging allergies are killing me. Last year when we went to Yellowstone, I nearly couldn't walk because of the ear trouble the altitude and allergies gave me. This year, it is just plane Houston. I live in a swamp, I should expect it. Some one said that it isn't the pollution from cars or even industry that makes so many people sick in Houston. It is the grass lands surrounding South East Texas. I should consider moving to the desert.

My workload is picking up at the day job. That is a good thing really. I tried to tell people that something wouldn't work two years ago. It got passed to others who gave up, because it will not work. Now, of course, it comes back to me to make it work. They want me to convert a barrel of apples into a basket or oranges. They keep saying “Fruit is fruit right?” It depends on who describes it.

A Hero
Men want to be heroes. I don't want money. I do want to be able to support a family. I do want to be able to send my kids to college. I don't want fame. I'm actually terrified of becoming famous. The idea of people thinking I'm something I'm not scares me. Fame is a bad thing. I want to be paid for what I know. I want to save a bus full of handicapped children from drowning as the bus sinks beneath the waves. I want to breath life into the last child as we are pulled from the water. I want to be a hero, a hero who's path and motive cannot be questioned. I want to save the world. I want to be a man.